Coffee, recidivus

Yeah, I'm definitely drinking more coffee.  And, very likely, too much.

In particular, I'm *buying* more coffee.  I mean, when I was in Delta, since a lot of the coffee I was drinking was from the carafe that was always on the go at one of the churches, my Scottish soul could justify it on the basis that it was free (at least in terms of cost to me).  Now I'm going to McDonalds fairly regularly for my "fix."

It's not to the point that, when I wake up at 2 AM, I can't wait for the McDonalds to open.  (Yet.)  But there definitely is something, probably to do with caffeine and glucose, that, in my grieving and damaged state, is about the only comfort I (complaining whiner that I am) can find.  It's not caffeine alone: Diet Coke doesn't have the same comfort level.  (Maybe I should try regular Coke, with the sugar.  But I think the warmth also has some contribution to the comfort factor.)  Hot chocolate has a similar comfort level, but, given that I definitely exceed the manufacturer's recommended dosage when I make hot chocolate, coffee may be slightly better for me than the hot chocolate.

Because, of course, I have to note (complaining whiner that I am) that there is a problem with finding comfort in coffee.  I take cream and sugar in it.  As previously noted, a *lot* of cream and sugar.  Since I really don't like coffee all that much.  And, of course, that's bad for my diet.  And I haven't lost any weight in six months.  And the coffee may be one of the reasons.  Although, even with the amount of sugar I put into it, a cup of coffee is probably better than a donut or something, and takes longer to drink, so has a longer period of comforting.  I think.

There is also the caffeine factor.  My sleep is still fairly messed up, although not as bad as it was in the first couple of months after Gloria died.  So, I do try to keep my coffee intake to the morning, so as to lessen the impact on sleeping at night.  (I don't seem to find that getting coffee in the morning makes me feel any more awake, but I do seem to find that drinking coffee in the afternoon or evening is not conducive to a good night's sleep.)