Review of "Men and Grief," by Carol Staudacher

"Men and Grief," by Carol Staudacher, is referenced by Martin and Doka in their work, and is remarkably useful and helpful despite being written by a woman.  Her work predates Martin and Doka by ten years.  Despite not having access to later research, and relying heavily on the theory that all gender differences are caused by differing social pressures, her work is comprehensive and provides a solid guide for those who care to take the trouble to examine it.  Unfortunately, and possibly because of her social pressures perspective, most of the grief industry seems to think that simply pushing more at encouraging men to talk about their feelings is all that needs to happen.

Staudacher does provide ample indications that men do process grief in ways that differ from women, and that activities, projects, and planning are processes that men use, in preference to, and more effectively than, talking about emotions.  In the chapter on "Experiencing Loss as a Husband" I have found an insightful reference to men scheduling and planning activities "not as a way of *avoiding* his grief, but as a way of *accompanying* his grief."

Possibly simply because she is a woman, Staudacher's advice is slightly off, or has a questionable emphasis, at various points.  This is nowhere more evident than in the chapter on the creation of a men's grief group.  While I found her suggestions, overall, to be very helpful and useful, there were several areas where her proposals needed modification to be really useful for the creation of a functional men's group.  She still concentrates on the processes and programs that work well with the intuitive, female, style of grieving.  The addition of particularly instrumental activities will improve these suggestions considerably.