We're all going to die ...

 I have, for the past few days, been feeling an unidentified and pervasive feeling of dread or doom.  I have no idea why.  I just have this pretty constant feeling that something really, really bad is going to happen.  What?  I have no idea.  It may be that, among the huge number of things that I need to get done, I'm missing an important tax deadline.  It may be that an asteroid is about to obliterate the earth.  (Actually, these days, that isn't something to dread.)

Joking about not fearing death probably misrepresents my feelings about it.  I never have feared dying, as far back as I can remember.  I'm not keen on physical pain, but that's why suicidal ideation has been such a problem for me: if I could find a way to die, without being hurt, first, I have no particular objection to that.

Anyway, back to impending calamities.  I know that I am definitely getting close to missing deadlines.  I've been lax about renewing my car insurance, which is due Friday.  But Friday I will be in hospital having a colonoscopy.  (Yeah, yeah, I know, some of you are really grossed out by the thought of that: TMI.)  And, if possible and the sedation has worn off, I want to get (which means drive) to Jeannette's memorial on Saturday, so that means the car has to be insured by then.  (I used BCAA's online booking to make an appointment later today.  Actually, two appointments, back to back, 3pm to 3:30pm, and 3:30pm to 4pm, because their brain dead booking site only allows for half hour slots [and only one topic per visit].  I have to renew the car insurance [snapping a picture of the odometer to prove I don't drive much], change the address, rework the renters insurance [being in a concrete building with smoke alarms and fire sprinklers should be a lot cheaper], tell them Gloria is dead, and get the membership redone, because Gloria was always the "master" member.)

The appointment is near Strawberry Hill (next door to Subway), so I might as well check out that Scotia branch (just across the street), and the Cobs, as well.  (Is that the *only* bakery in North Delta?)

I still can't identify any specific problem that would cause me to be feeling such dread.  It's not paralyzing, but the feeling is pretty strong.  Is it a symptom of grief?  Is it depression?  (It doesn't feel like depression: I know depression, and it feels too strong and active for that.)  Is it an indication that I've been keeping the grief too bottled up, and it's about to blow my personality into tiny little pieces, scattered all over the emotional landscape?

(And I just had one of those "your card has been charged with ..." scam calls.  At 6 AM!  I'm rather regretting that I didn't "press 2," which would, presumably, have connected me with some fraudster, and I could have legitimately vented my unreasoning anger superpower at him or her ...)