Blur

 It's probably a good idea that this started out as a collection of the updates that I sent out to keep people up to date while Gloria was in hospital.  It's often surprising to me that it's been over a month since she went into the hospital.  (On the other hand, very oddly, it's surprising that the three weeks since she died is both that short and that long.)  I should go back and read all the details again.  But I doubt that my nerves and emotions would stand it right now, so maybe later.

As I've noted elsewhere, I don't know where the time goes.  I'm trying to keep up with email, and make sure that I'm not missing anything that I should be doing.  But, yesterday, pretty much all of the lower mainland was snowed in, so I wasn't going anywhere, and yet I only got two months of the accounts done.  When I think of it, I was doing other things: checking for the paper, contacting the Sun over the fact that the paper hadn't come, some minor issues with the Lucky Mobile problem, and some other contacts.  I did get out to the local store, and that wasn't fast since the sidewalks and parking lot, despite being shovelled and plowed, were still pretty slippery.  But, as I've also said elsewhere, everything seems to take longer than it should.  Even though I'm trimming what I'm doing with the accounts, a number of the things that Gloria and I used to do together take a lot longer with one person than with two.

I am functional, as I keep saying to people who ask how I am.  I'm getting through the accounts, even if I have to stop every once in a while to howl in emotional agony.  I'm feeding myself, even if the meals might be considered a bit odd.  (I'm trying to push fruits and salads at home, to make up for the occasions of binge comfort eating at fast food places.)  I'm vacuuming the bare floors a couple of times a week.  I've done several loads of laundry to catch up, although I subsequently haven't produced enough to justify a load.  I've made a couple of grief counselling appointments with different sources.  I'm collecting resources for what I'm supposed to do once I finally get Gloria's death certificate.  (They promised the ashes and certificate some time this week, and, since it's Friday today, they don't have an awful lot of margin to fulfill on that promise.)

I'm not thinking particularly clearly, so I'm sure that there are things I should be doing that I am missing.  I still don't have any particular plans.  Things are happening around me, and I'm trying to respond appropriately, but I'm not sure that I'm a really good judge of "appropriate" right now, and a lot of time I'm running on automatic, except that "automatic" often had references to Gloria, and so pieces of the process are missing ...