Hoodie

I am wearing my CanSecWest hoodie.

So what? you may say.

Well, this is a big deal because first of all, I have, after years of submitting presentation proposals to CanSecWest (mostly because Dragos, even if he didn't accept me as a speaker, would sometimes take pity on me and give me a free registration just for submitting, and it's always a ton of fun attending the conference), finally had one accepted, and I'll be speaking at the conference this year.  As a two-hour "workshop," no less.

But also because the "wearable" swag from CanSecWest was always too small for me.  Lots was just too desperately small and I gave it back, but the hoodie we kept because, even if it was too small for me, it was big enough for Gloria.  So, my one piece of CanSecWest swag that was kept became Gloria's.  She wore it quite a lot.

I've dropped weight.  Which was rather a surprise to me, since "stress eating" is basically my default activity.  So, when I realized that I had lost about 25 pounds during the course of Gloria's illness, and *kept* losing weight over the move and resettlement, I figured I should at least try to capitalize on the loss, and keep going.  (Dieting tends to be a rather selfish or self-centred activity, and, since I no longer have to worry about anybody else's meals, I can use my "all-or-nothing" personality trait to best advantage.)  I've lost thirty pounds since Gloria died, and I'm down around eighty from my highest weight a few years back.

So, today, after folding the laundry (which always makes me feel inadequate because, even if I can do it, it's never as good as it would have been if Gloria had done it), I was hanging up my other pair of newly hemmed jeans, and found a BSides hoodie.  And I could get into it.  Quite handily, as opposed to the squeeze that it must have been earlier.  And then I found that I'd kept the CanSecWest hoodie after Gloria died.  And I tried it on.  And *it* fit.

So, I'm wearing my CanSecWest hoodie.  Because I can.  And possibly because it was Gloria's.

And now there's tears on it ...