Hydro won't believe that my address exists, even though they are supplying power here, and I have no idea how that is going to work out. Telus won't believe that my address exists, and won't provide service, and won't let me keep Gloria's phone number, and has proven that their service is every bit as bad as Shaw's, and has forced me to go to Shaw again for Internet service. Shaw has proven, once again, to be the all time winners of the "we are a near monopoly, so we don't have to care or do anything about customer service" contest. Even Canada Post doesn't believe that my address exists, despite given me a mailbox key to a mailbox to which they refuse to redirect mail, and their local office keeps telling me they can't do anything, and directing me to a customer service line who insist that they can't do anything and directing me back to the local office. Meanwhile, fighting with all of these non-services is taking up all of my time and I'm not getting any unpacking and setting up/settling in done.
My ridiculous diet has plateaued, big time. Even though I've been eating salads and fruits and vegetables until I'm turning green, I now weigh more than I did two months ago. I'll probably have to abandon the ridiculous diet and just diet until I die. (Dieting myself to death? Right now, that's an attractive prospect ...) Despite contacts and research I'm no closer to getting a doctor or internist or any medical support here in Port Alberni, so I suppose that's appropriate. (For some reason, this morning, my balance is affected, and I am feeling strangely unbalanced on my feet. I've felt this way, before, early on at times in Delta, but I thought we had dealt with it in reducing my blood pressure medication. Hmmm. A little too early to be able to find a place with a blood pressure monitor this early in the morning ...)
I was a bit leery of moving here. The last time I lived in a small town it didn't turn out well. But that was long enough ago that it was before I was on the Internet, so that might have made a difference. If I could get anyone to provide me with reliable Internet service ...
My gardening career has come to a careering halt. I have hauled over the pots, but I cannot put them anywhere except on my deck, which is both limited in space and covered by a roof with an overhang, so they don't get much light or any rain. I have found some Grand Fir samples (always had a thing for Grand Fir, and they are not common), but I hesitate to take them because I'm not sure how well I can maintain them in my new place.
Like in Delta, I am not only church shopping, but trying to find places and opportunities to volunteer. Interestingly, everyone here seems to keep losing my applications, or contacting me, only to realize that they have no idea why. More time wasted to no effect. Having put in all the efforts in Delta (and with no returns or benefits to be had from all the output), it seems that I am running out of energy, steam, work, effort, cope, giving, whatever. I am feeling completely exhausted (probably not helped by a month and a half of sleep deprivation, likely over the move, but still not lifting). I am still trying to find places to help. But I am no closer to getting any "return on investment" in terms of ... well, what? Concern? Attention? Friendship? Love? Whatever I'm missing, I'm still missing. And, although I know that there is no point in trying to "demand" that anyone love me, or care for me, or even care that I have lost wife, best friend, job, home, community, et cetera, et cetera, and that the only thing I *can* do is try and reduce the total suffering in the world by helping someone else, I am running out of the energy and ability to do that. Which makes it not a great time to be pursuing volunteer tasks. Which leaves me with ... nothing?
Church shopping is going poorly, not aided by the fact that every church in Port Alberni meets, simultaneously, at 10:30 AM Sunday morning. Actually, as you research the situation, there is some slight variation. Not enough to make much of a difference in terms of being limited to one church per Sunday. There are some mid-week activities. If you have the time to pursue each church individually. Please see above for estimates of my copious free spare time for this type of research. I have also, multiple times, been standing outside a locked church, awaiting a non-10:30-AM-Sunday-morning event, to which I have sometimes been specifically invited, only to have nobody show up. In at least one case, I know that the church is equipped with security video cameras that are remotely accessible, so, as a professional paranoid, it is hard to avoid the suspicion that this is for church members' amusement, as in, "oh, look, we fooled another stranger in a strange land," while the church parking lot lights pulse every five seconds to alert people to the fact. (Not, I'm not making that detail up.)
Maybe I'm just having a bad day. But I've fought depression for enough decades to be afraid of what might be waiting down the road. Maybe this is just another manifestation of grief, which is always pretty weird and unpredictable. Maybe it's just the sleep deprivation, although I got more sleep last night than I have for almost a month and a half (although that's often how it works out).
But, right now, it's not fun ...
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