Watching Gloria

It's kind of weird, watching the VHS tapes.  I do not have any particular drive to watch through, and rewatch clips of Gloria again and again.  But when I do see her, or hear her talking or laughing or singing, sometimes I just recognize everything, and seeing Gloria seems (briefly?) more real than the life around me.  It's not that I think she's alive.  It's more that I think, "this is my wife and I'm spending my whole life with her," and, at the same time, "she is dead and no longer has any part in my life."  Both thoughts at the same time ...