Social network failures

I have mentioned that I am trying to rebuild my social circles and networks.  (This has become more urgent with the mention, by a friend, of a potential danger, particularly given my field of work and study, of concentrating on the less desirable aspects of what needs to be addressed in security.  Another friend mentioned that a primary safeguard is having strong social support, and I don't, right now, have any social support, let alone any strength or resilience in it.)  I've also mentioned that my efforts have not been particularly successful.  A few examples.

Churches, in our mobile society, have tried to shortcut the connections that would normally build up over years in a community.  In recent decades, this has mainly been done via "small group" Bible studies, or just small groups.  In a smaller, tighter group, information about each other can be obtained more quickly, and so, the theory goes, everyone in the church will have a fairly tight connection with at least a few people.  Unfortunately, in any congregation at least a half to a third of the congregation will not have been assigned to a small group, and, for those who are, probably a third will not be attending the group, for one reason or another.  In any case, knowing the process, in the churches I have encountered so far, I have been agitating to be placed in such a group.  One church placed me in a group fairly quickly.  Unfortunately, as one church member noted, "how small a group do you want?"  Most of the time this group consists of two of us, and the group leader.  The other person in the group is one who sees the world in very simplistic terms, and is not inclined to examine any issues deeply.

In another church I have been agitating for placement for five months.  That has finally happened.  I was invited--to the year-end wrap-up potluck dinner.  The dinner was nice, but they probably won't be meeting again for at least four months.

The two warring hospice societies in this neck of the woods aren't doing very much in terms of programs for the bereaved.  They are expending their energies on fighting with each other, and the bereaved, in our municipality, are caught in the crossfire of a "no man's land" of non-provision of services.  However, one does have a volunteer "grief companion" program, and I was assigned one.  He is interesting, and, under normal circumstances, would be interesting company.  These are not, of course, normal circumstances, and my needs go slightly beyond being addressed by an uninterested chat with a distant acquaintance.  Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to have paid much attention in the volunteer training program.  If the training mentioned listening, he wasn't listening at that point.  We spend most of our time with him telling me what has been going on in his life.  (It would be interesting, if I were not preoccupied with an issue that seems, to me, to be of greater import and moment.)  The volunteer co-ordinator told me that this was not to be a friendship: this volunteer seems to think that is exactly what is going on.  (He also mentioned taking notes, which I would have thought should have been included under the section "DON'T EVER DO THIS!!!"  However, his notes can't be very extensive or accurate, because he doesn't seem to remember much of anything that I do manage to say.)

(I would be feeling my neck a bit in providing unflattering commentary of people who could easily self-identify.  However, I can take comfort in the fact that none of the agencies of the grief industry that I have encountered so far have taken the slightest steps to do any follow-up, or to obtain feedback on any of the "services" provided.  Despite the fact that my blog is listed in my sigblock, and so goes out with every email message I send, only one person from the grief industry has noted its existence, and it is extremely unlikely that that person, or anyone else, is reading any of these postings with any regularity.)

I have now attended three different grief groups without making any particular contacts.  As noted, the local hospice societies aren't doing much in the way of programs.  I have joined a walking group from the area where I previously lived, and where Gloria died.  However, this involves five hours of transit for one hour of walking.  I have also been dragooned into another group, seemingly for people who live alone, but, again, this involves five hours of transit for an hour of talking.  Another hospice program has a tea (which I refer to as the "alumni tea"), but, again, five hours of transit for one hour of tea.

I'm still trying.  I'm working hard at it.  I'm putting in tons of effort.  So far the "return on investment" has been minimal, to put it in the very best light possible ...