(I include the subtitle here, because there is another "Self-Care for Caregivers" by Suzanne White.)
This book on self-care is based on the twelve step program, which may be familiar from Alcoholics Anonymous and other similar programs. The first two chapters talk about, and give a number of examples of, problems and issues of caregiving. Chapter three deals with the first three steps in the program; step one being "letting go," step two being "accepting that a higher power can help," and step three being "surrendering to that higher power."
Chapter four looks at step four. After one chapter covering three steps, taking only one in a single chapter may seem odd, but, given that the moral inventory that one is supposed to take requires six steps of its own, for each individual emotional item, this could take considerable time. Even the six steps for a single item, such as loneliness, could get really weird. For example, if I do an inventory of loneliness, is there a benefit to loneliness? Is the desperation for company a benefit, because it gives me an excuse to pursue people? Or hang out with people that I might not otherwise hang out with? This can get very meta, very quickly.
Chapter five looks at step five, "admitting the nature of our wrongs," step six "being ready for God to remove our defects," and step seven "humbly asking God to remove our shortcomings." The next two steps, eight "making a list of all persons we'd harmed and becoming willing to make amends to them all," and nine "making direct amends to such people where possible," are in chapter six.
At this point the steps move to ongoing and future development, and so chapter seven covers step ten "continuing to take a personal inventory," which is assisted by a useful tool referred to as HALT, telling us to beware of becoming too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, and to using those indicators to stop and deal with issues that may be upsetting us in those events which engender such reactions. Step eleven "prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God," and step twelve, which assumes that we have had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps and carrying this message to others to practice these principles.
It is interesting to see, through the material in the book, the movement from initially talking about a Higher Power, to the later direct references to God.
The idea of using the twelve step program, generally seen as a process for dealing with addictions, in terms of dealing with the problems of caregiving, and, indeed, any kinds of problems in life, is probably a good one. The 12-step program is simply distilled wisdom in relation to a number of areas that psychologists have been recommending for years. Admitting powerlessness, and that there is a greater power, is simply realizing that we are not the center of the universe. Making a moral inventory is simply a realistic self assessment and examination. Admitting failures and wrongs, and then taking steps to remove or otherwise deal with defects and character, have their basis in confession, realization of problems, and commitment to doing something about the problems. Again making a list of persons harmed and making amends is part of the forgiveness situation, which many psychologists would understand as a very positive thing. The the evangelistic emphasis of step twelve is interesting, and doesn't seem to have a direct psychological factor associated with it, but doing something for others, even if it's only telling them what worked for us, is, again, always a positive thing.
In any case, this process does seem to be overall positive for any kind of problematic situation, and the stories of problems associated with caregiving will be helpful for any caregivers who are, after all, pursuing a very complicated and demanding calling. This book would seem to be quite helpful, and probably the earlier any caregiver addresses and identifies these issues, and takes steps to deal with them, the better.
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