In my research into grief, I ran across references to the research by Martin and Doka fairly early. But, although I was struck by the relevance of the ideas, I did not have access to Martin and Doka's book, at that time. I based my original development of the Grief Guys idea on these references to their work, and I now somewhat regret that. Even the name itself, Grief Guys, is a slight misrepresentation of their emphasis and intent. Where my understanding of the references to their work was that men and women processed grief differently, for which the terms instrumental and intuitive were handy references, in the book itself, Martin and Doka emphasize, and stress, that there are two ways of processing grief, and that these two styles do have some, and perhaps a strong, gender related preference. But the important point, for these researchers, is the two distinct styles. Putting the emphasis on the styles changes the way that we would perceive how grief should be handled. It makes a much stronger reason and rationale for the grief industry to look much more closely at instrumental styles of grieving, which gets short shrift in favor of the much more widely perceived and catered for intuitive style of grief.
Chapter two of their book provides a very useful overview of recent research into grief, grieving, and mourning. This is not only of use to researchers, but could provide a handy, although somewhat demanding, guide for the bereaved who are in mourning. It provides a more balanced conceptual framework for both affective and cognitive (and even physical) reactions to a loss, which are often a surprise to the griever.
If chapter two raises a number of questions for future and additional research into grief, chapter three, on the patterns of grief, and therefore the distinction between intuitive and instrumental, does even more so. The authors assert that intuitive grievers do not seek out potential problems and solve them, but my own experience, as a combined intuitive and instrumental griever, seems to indicate that the situation is more complex. The authors note that intuitive grievers, while they do fulfill their obligations in their jobs, or for their immediate family, tend not to solve problems related to their own grief, affect, or emotions. As an instrumental griever, I have been very active, and even somewhat organized, in regard to the grief projects. However, I have decided to, seek more time in professional counseling. But, I have not yet done so. It is interesting to note that, with combined grievers, grief work styles may vary not only by person, but also by topic. Combined grievers, at the very least, may be able to pursue problems and solve them with regard to projects and activities, solving problems with affect, feelings, and emotions, is more problematic. It may be that the ability to find and solve problems is more related to the type of problem then strictly to the type of griever or the balance of the style of grieving.
Martin and Doka also note, in different places in the text, and in different contexts, that perception of control is more important to instrumental grievers. This is, again, an interesting observation, and may present a means of identifying or differentiating the style of grief of a given individual, and the balance, in an individual, of combined intuitive and instrumental grieving styles. The perception of control is frequently identified, even in the counseling of those who are dealing only with intuitive styles of grieving, as an important factor. However, in the intuitive counseling style, it is simply noted that the bereaved, grievers, and mourners, are frequently highly aware that they are not in control, and that life can be changed in an instant, in unpredictable ways. Therefore the tying of the importance of control, for instrumental grievers, and the perception of overall lack of control, for intuitive grievers, may be able to either predict the style prior to any bereavement event, or to very quickly assess the preferred style and overall balance, for a bereaved person.
In an attempt to provide a theory of emotion and grief (in chapter five), the authors posit that instrumental grievers may be hiding their emotions from others, and possibly even themselves. This idea is never formulated into a full hypothesis, but. later in the book, seems to return in the idea of "dissonant" grievers, who may experience grief one way, but present (possibly due to cultural pressures) in another.
Again, in the chapter examining gender issues (seven), Martin and Doka raise the possibility that men deal with external problems because they can't deal with internal (emotional and affective) ones. Interestingly, Gloria always noted, both in school situations and in business management, that women had a strong tendency to take issues personally, whereas men tended to see any issue as a problem to be fixed, even if it was an interpersonal matter.
The latter chapters, and even parts, of the book are possibly less useful. The material tends to be fairly similar to generic grief counseling texts, albeit with a definite academic tone, and some rigor in the analysis. The material on dissonant grievers, for example (those who may present as instrumental, but actually experience grief in intuitive fashion), is interesting, but not terrifically helpful in many ways. The lack of utility for this later material may simply reflect a lack of research in the field, and the limitations of existing tools.
Overall, this book presents an important and valuable contribution to grief counseling and analysis. The grief industry has, for too long, concentrated almost exclusively on intuitive and affective grief styles, and instrumental grievers have been very poorly served. Raising the awareness of this issue, and attempting to address it will likely be of great benefit.
One issue that is raised in the last chapter of the book is that of the utility of counseling groups, or group counseling, for instrumental grievers. This is an area that I am currently experimenting with, and hope to examine more fully with a project that should be undertaken soon. Martin and Doka's work will heavily influence the way that I designed this experiment and project.
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