Most of what I have written about depression in the previous three pieces has been directed at those who are, in fact, depressives. My fellow sufferers. However, it is likely that many, or indeed most, of you are not depressed. But you may know somebody who is. And you want to know what to do to help. Well, you can start with encouraging them to do what I have been outlining. But it's likely that you can do more than just encourage or suggest. (Advice is not something that depressives really want. And depressives, along with the bereaved, get lots of advice. It gets to the point where you are really, really sick of advice. You get so much advice that you just don't want to hear any of it. I can remember in one of the grief groups, when I outlined that I was starting to do some gardening. Someone in the group suggested that I join a gardening club, because all of the people there would be willing to give me advice. Through gritted teeth I ground out, "I don't *want* any advice." They all understood what I meant.)
The help that you can give your depressive friends can be useful, and it can be more direct than simply encouragement. For example, you can encourage them to keep going. But you can do more than that. You can actually help them keep going. Instead of simply suggesting that they, for example, go for a walk, you can actually go over, and take them for a walk. Get them dressed if necessary, if they won't get out of bed. If you are concerned that they are not eating properly, go over and, not so much feed them, as assist them in actually making a meal. And then sit down and watch them eat it (or eat with them). If you are concerned that they are not getting the household accounts done, or the laundry, or the vacuuming, same thing. Go over, and, while not actually doing it for them, at least help them, insofar as possible, get it done.
The level of help is up to you. And, yes, I know, nobody wants to be thought to be interfering in someone else's affairs or life. Well, you are their friend. You are supposed to interfere in their life, to a certain extent. So, help out.
You don't want to bug them. Well, simply advising, and sometimes even verbally encouraging, could come under the category of bugging. But actually helping them to do something, well it's hard to see that as interference. Make sure that you do it their way. At this point, it is important that they succeed. It is not important that they get your advice on how they could do something better. Even if their way is inefficient, or sloppy, it is an accomplishment for them that is important. The actual job being done to your satisfaction is not important at all.
So, help them to keep going. Help them to succeed at the normal tasks of life. Give them what help you can. Help them put one foot in front of the other on their journey. Until they can walk by themselves. Then keep checking back, because depression isn't something that gets fixed overnight.
In terms of my suggestion that depressives do volunteering of various types, you can help there, too. If you have a volunteer activity, take them along. Give them a small task to do, in an area where they are with other people, and possibly even working with other people. You don't want to give them a job, all by themselves, in isolation. That's not really great for depressives. If they insist that they don't want to be around other people, okay, that may be necessary initially. But, check on them, frequently.
It depends on what you do, whether they can actually participate. Increasingly, volunteer organizations, particularly when they are dealing with people, require criminal record checks. Obviously, they cannot participate in those sorts of activities. However, there probably are some related activities that they can participate in. I have applied for a volunteer position with one organization here, and my checks have not yet been completed. However they did call me in for a couple of hours to help sort vegetables. That doesn't require a criminal record check. So, of what you are doing, find something that they can participate in.
Volunteering has lots of benefits. Volunteering gives you a sense of accomplishment, simply in performing a task. Volunteering also gives you a sense of accomplishment, in that you are doing something for somebody else: you are helping others. Simply the fact that you are helping others provides a sense of accomplishment: you are doing something worthwhile in the world. Then there may be certain benefits to be derived from doing something for others, and being thanked for it. In some situations, someone may be helping out in a volunteer capacity, and those who are benefiting from the volunteer task, may be appreciative of what has been done for them. This is another form of reinforcement, and another sense of accomplishment, another success. There's the fact that, very often, they will be working as a part of a team. Possibly working at a task themselves, but a task that is supporting what other people are doing. There are going to be interactions with other people, with other volunteers. There are going to be interactions possibly in the form of training for the specific task that you are asking them to accomplish, and interactions in the form of checking on how they are doing with that particular task. Eventually, there may be interactions, at a more social level, with the other volunteers. All of this has benefits for the person suffering from depression. So, help them out to get into some kind of volunteer activity.
And you can help your friends try out new things. Take them to events that they haven't experienced. If they've never been to an art gallery, take them to an art gallery. If they sit at home and watch movies on TV, take them out to live theater. If they can't work up the energy to go for hikes in the woods, like they used to, then take them for urban walks. They're having trouble, because they are depressed and therefore fixated, in finding new things to do. Well, find new things for them to do. Novelty is important to break the old patterns that are leading to the existing depression. Help them get a start on something new.
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