Alberni Valley Hospice Society volunteer

I have been asked to do an "interview" for the newsletter for volunteers with the Alberni Valley Hospice Society.  As is usual these days, the questions were submitted to me via email, and I replied the same way.

1.       What was your first impression of the organization?

That's really hard to say.  So much has happened in the meantime.  I suppose I would have to say that my first impression of the organization was that the voicemail system could definitely use some work.  I remember that you and I were playing telephone tag for a while, and I was trying to figure out who to contact or how to contact anyone with the voicemail system.

I guess my second impression was that it was nice that it was so easy to get on board.  Being able to get right in and start volunteering and helping, rather than jumping through all kinds of hoops for no particular reason, was a real treat after the various organizations that I was a part of in Vancouver and elsewhere.

2.       Tell us some fun facts that we don’t know about you?

One of them, which relates to a fact that we'll address later in different question, is that I was a member of the BC Youth Parliament, at one time the deputy speaker, and that I am, in fact, the reason that the BC Youth Parliament exists, rather than the Older Boys Parliament of BC.  I could give you the entire story, but it would probably be longer than your entire newsletter.

3.       In what ways do you volunteer at AVHS?

So far I have been doing bereavement Walk and Talks.  I have also helped out with the decorations at Ty Watson House, and my late wife would be really surprised to know that I was the one who decorated the tree.  Gloria was always big on Christmas, but me, not so much.  So, she did the decorations, and all that she asked me to do was put up the lights. Decorating a tree this Christmas was a bit of a stretch.

I am also working on an annotated bibliography of our library at the hospice society.  I have been reading, and reviewing, the books (primarily on grief), hoping to be able to give more guidance as to which books should be recommended to which clients.

I have also been working on the fact that men process grief differently from women, and that most of the "bereavement industry" (if I can put it that way) is focused on the processes for women.  I am exploring an idea, which I call Grief Guys, for different types of activities that are more appropriate for men who are bereaved.  That's in very early stages.  In even earlier stages, is a request that I have had from a couple of pastors in Port Alberni, to create some kind of grief groups, or some type of grief counseling, from a specifically Christian perspective.

4.       What motivated you to begin volunteering, and how long have you been volunteering?

As I mentioned, this relates to the BC Youth Parliament, but only partly.  I guess it was my parents who prompted me to start volunteering.  They modeled volunteering as just a part of life: I'm not quite sure how.  I wish I did know how: I would try and model it for my grandchildren, etc.

So, I was volunteering from a very early age.  The BC Youth Parliament was one of the early forms, but certainly not the earliest.  I had been involved in volunteer work even before that, and once I got to the Youth Parliament I was very glad to see that it was (and was somewhat alone across Canada in this regard) very involved with volunteer and charitable work.  I have worked with a number of organizations, and, here in Port Alberni, I am already involved in the hospice society, Literacy Alberni, and the Emergency Support Services team, as well as helping out with the Salvation Army, and some other churches around town.

5.       What motivates you to stay involved?

It's hard to say what motivates me to stay involved.  It's what I've done, it's what I've always done, and so it's just a part of life.  But, in addition, I am a grieving widower, and I have been displaced, twice within a year, from my community, and have lost my wife, and my best friend, and my job (because I was Gloria's caregiver for the last decade), as well as my community, and most of my friends (since they are terrified that I will mention Gloria, or death, or grief, and you are not allowed to talk about that in our society).  So I am in pain, and damaged, and it is pointless to hope that somebody, in a new community, is going to be interested in any of that, and taking steps to alleviate my pain.  I can't do anything about that.  But what I *can* do is reduce the total suffering on the Earth by helping others who are in pain.  I guess that's possibly the closest that comes to outlining my motivation.  But helping others also helps you.  It is helpful in avoiding depression, and it is helpful in finding some meaning in life, to help others.  I frequently suggest, to those who are bereaved, and are finding difficulty in finding a purpose in life, that they try out volunteering in some form or other.

6.       In your opinion, what is the most important work that this organization does?

I really would find it difficult to note what is most important in the various forms of work that the hospice society does.  However, if I could give one piece of advice to all who work in her, in whatever capacity, it would be this: learn to listen.  Listening is an extremely rare skill, and unfortunately, 90% of us think we are better than average at listening.  Mathematically that is impossible.  Learn to listen.  Listen actively.  Really try hard to learn how to listen.  Do not just listen until you hear something that means that you can give a piece of advice, and then stop listening.  Whatever advice you think you can give is much less important than the gift you can give to someone else by simply listening to them.  Even if you never contribute to the conversation.  Learn to listen.

7.       Why is it important to you to volunteer, and why did you choose AVHS?

Why is it important for me to volunteer?  See above.

Why did I choose Alberni Valley Hospice Society?  Well, I'm a grieving widower.  It's kind of a no-brainer.

8.       Tell us about a time that you were volunteering with AVHS that was especially meaningful for you.

Well, it's early days yet.  But I might note that it was extremely gratifying to find the openness that the society has to my Grief Guys idea, even though I haven't fully formulated it yet.  I am eager to see what we can develop out of it, and, once we see what works, and what doesn't, and get a bit more structure to it, I hope that this might be something that we can provide to other hospice societies for their use.

9.       How has volunteering with AVHS had an impact on you?

Again, it's early days yet. But it already has given me some purpose, and something to look forward to and to plan for.

10.   What have you learned about yourself and/or about others while volunteering with AVHS?

I'm tempted to just say "see above" for this one, but, yes, I have learned a few things about myself, and others, even in the short time that I've been volunteering with the society.  I am learning that, while I have been a city boy all my life (and my one time living in a smaller community was not a resounding success), I have apparently developed some additional strategies since then.  I am also learning to value the reduced requirements for formality in a smaller community.  The welcome from the hospice society, and other groups in town, has noted to me that you can become involved much more quickly in a smaller community then you can in the big city.  The constant need to compete, and promote yourself, which I have always hated in the city environment, is not as pronounced in a smaller community, and therefore, if you are willing to help out, people are willing to accept you.  At this point in my life, as a grieving widower, who is having to, no not rebuild but completely build anew, a life for myself, I am valuing this ability to contribute.

11.   What has been the biggest surprise about volunteering?

Part of the surprise is how little difference that there is in volunteering here as compared to elsewhere.  As previously noted, I have been volunteering all my life in a variety of organizations and capacities.  I am finding much the same experience here as I have with volunteer work all my life.  But, as previously noted, I definitely find that it is easier to get started with volunteering here in Port Alberni, and I appreciate that.

12.   If you could encourage someone else to volunteer with AVHS, what would you say?

I would say, do it.  As noted above, I have found volunteering very worthwhile, and helpful to me personally, even in very difficult circumstances of my life.  I would say to anyone who is, themselves, facing personal difficulties, that getting involved in volunteering will help you, even in the midst of your own difficulties.  It gives you a purpose, it gives you perspective on your own troubles, and it gives you a bit of distraction, which is always a good idea when you are mired in your own troubles, and your brain is spinning around in circles thinking only of those troubles.  So volunteering helps you, as much as it helps others.

If you don't have any personal problems (if there are any such people), then I would say volunteer anyway.  It's always good to help people out.  And it has been helpful to me in my career.  I have found surprising ways that volunteering, and helping out with volunteer organizations, has provided opportunities for me in my professional life.  So, once again, volunteering can help you, even if you don't have particular problems to be helped with.

As to why somebody should volunteer with the hospice society, I would say that there are tremendous range of opportunities for helping out the hospice society.  The hospice society does very valuable work, for people who are in the worst stages of their lives: dying, or bereaved.  Therefore the work that society does is tremendously valuable, and anything that anyone can do to help is supporting this valuable work.  Some will, of course, think that they can't be around sick people, or dying people, or grieving people.  That's okay, because that's not all the jobs that are useful to the society.  There are a number of people who support the society, who never get near sick people, or dying people, or bereaved people.  This society can always use money, so anyone who has any experience in fundraising, or even just the ability to get on the phone and talk to the general public about the society, can perform a valuable service.  There are people who operate more directly, but don't necessarily deal directly with the dying or bereaved.  There is help needed in the kitchen at the hospice, and that doesn't necessarily involve being direct contact with the clients of the society.  There is help needed in the garden at the hospice.  I'm sure that in the current weather situation, it would be helpful to have somebody go and clear the sidewalks at the hospice, and the hospice office.  We just had a session, two sessions actually, decorating both the hospice and the office for Christmas.  None of these jobs are particularly icky, and all of them help in one way or another.  So, yes, I could say to anyone who has any interest at all in helping out, that there is a job for you at the hospice, and that you would be contributing to valuable work, and you would be giving yourself purpose and opportunities that you may not even realize until much later.  Go for it!

13.   Is there anything else you want to share about volunteering with AVHS?

At the moment, that's about it ...