Sermon 27 - God's Law is Good--for Us

Sermon 27 - God's Law is Good--for Us

Leviticus 22:31

Keep my commandments, and do them. I am the Lord.

2 Corinthians 6:14

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.

Exodus 20:3

You shall have no other gods before me.

Leviticus 25:4,5

But in the seventh year the land is to have a year of sabbath rest, a sabbath to the Lord. Do not sow your fields or prune your vineyards. 5 Do not reap what grows of itself or harvest the grapes of your untended vines. The land is to have a year of rest.

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Generally put, God's law is good for us.  That's a point of faith.  I think we agree that it's a good idea, and that we should follow God's laws.  But we tend to think of it as following God's law is something that *we* do for God.  It's part of the covenant, part of our agreement with God.  We do what God says, and God takes care of us.  It's really a matter of God is the boss.  And so, what He says goes.  Even if we agree that it's a good idea to do what He says, it's still an attitude of *we* are doing something *for* God.

I don't think that that's a good attitude, and it's certainly creating an attitude.  And as far as I can tell from actually *reading* the law, it's not correct, either.  We can see lots of seemingly arbitrary things in God's law.  How you kill certain animals, which parts you sacrifice on the altar and which parts you burn up elsewhere.  And we tend to think of following God's laws and rules and commandments in that way.  God said we do it, so we do it.  But it doesn't do *us* any good.  Again, I'm pretty sure that's wrong.  There's an awful lot in God's law that is for our benefit, not for Gods.

Let's start with something simple.  Let's look at the dietary laws.

Especially pigs.  I mean, pigs have been a staple since before man started domesticating them, in a preference for hunting and protein.  But when domesticated, I mean, they're great!  You can feed them *anything,* and produce a lot of meat.  And a lot of fat.  Now, in these modern times, we don't consider fat to be a really great idea.  But fat, for an awful lot of human history, was an important source of energy.  It's still very important for infants to have a fairly high fat diet.  So feeding them formula based on skim milk powder can be a really bad idea.  Anyways, pigs produce an awful lot of what we need, and do it quite efficiently.  And it's not difficult to raise them.  They also don't take up an awful lot of space.  You can keep them in pens, and feed them scraps, and you don't have to give them huge fields to graze around in.

Pigs are a pretty good source of nutrition.  So, why is it that God told the Jews not to eat them?

Well, it turns out, and we've only discovered this fairly recently, that pigs, in terms of body tissue, are really similar to us.  (No, I'm not going to get all weird here about the similarities to cannibalism.)  The thing is, that since their tissue is so similar to ours, they get the same diseases that we do.  And we get the same diseases that *they* do.  There's an awful lot of infections that will infect pigs, and will also infect us.  And there's an awful lot of infections that we can transmit to pigs.  So, having a large population of pigs, well, it's a really good breeding ground for new diseases.  And that makes for epidemics.

But then there's the fact that the Israelites, at the time, are wandering through a desert.  And were going to a place that's got a fairly warm climate.  Once again, once we kill pigs, and turn them into meat, there are an awful lot of organisms that will grow on that meat, that will infect us when we eat it.  So it's a really good idea, if living in that kind of climate, not to have too much to do with pigs.  Even if they are very efficient nutrition machines.

There's some other interesting points as well.  There's my experience of going out to dinner with a bunch of other instructors, all of whom happened to be Jewish.  Now, they were probably Jewish in the same sense that most of France is Catholic: nominally, at best.  They were fairly secular Jews.  They knew that you weren't supposed to eat bacon, but probably weren't really familiar with the niceties of Jewish dietary laws.  One of their number had had a heart attack, recently, and, as is often the case with that type of thing, it made him a little bit more serious about his own religion.  So, he was wearing a yarmulke, and had probably been studying Jewish law a bit more extensively than most.  So, when we went to a sushi restaurant, he took his yarmulke off.  And the others asked why.  He said that he didn't want to mislead anybody: a sushi restaurant isn't exactly kosher.  Anyways, we sat down to an appetiser that the restaurant had provided, which was a delicious dish of octopus in a sweet vinaigrette sauce.  He didn't eat it.  The other guys were chowing down on it with great gusto, and urging him to try it.  Hey it's good.  You should try it.  No no, he said, it's not kosher.  Why not? they said.  I, without thinking about it, stated, It hasn't got fins and scales.  I kept on eating until I realised that the entire table had gone dead silent.  I looked up to see all of them looking at me, with, pretty much visibly, the same question on all their faces.  Why does this goy know more about Jewish dietary laws than we do?

Yes, that's there in the Bible.  It's not just pigs that you can't eat.  You can't eat octopus.  You can't eat clams.  You can't eat oysters.  There's an awful lot of stuff out of the ocean that you can't eat.

You can eat what's got fins and scales.  I don't imagine that octopus was extensively on the menu in the Middle East.  But they did seem to eat a lot of fish.  And there were probably shellfish available.  Now, fish does not keep too terribly well, in a hot climate, but shellfish can be absolutely deadly.  So, if you're making up laws for a people in that situation, it's probably a good idea to tell them you can eat fish, but nothing else that comes out of the water.

Exodus 20:3

You shall have no other gods before me.

For another example, there are the Ten Commandments.  Let's start with them.  And right off the top, the first one, God is the one that we are to follow.  You shall have no other gods before me.

Now, I think that a lot of people see this simply as God establishing his precedence.  He's the most important.  What He says goes.  We shouldn't try to wiggle out of some of the things that he says by appealing to some other god.  (Even though we do do that.  An awful lot.  But we'll come to that in a bit.)

But just think about it for a moment.  What if we go all Unitarian on this matter.  What if we accept that there are other gods and that maybe they have some good ideas and so what does it matter?  If we follow other gods, if we worship other gods, I mean, we can still give God precedence.  God's got first claim, and we're not necessarily gonna use other gods to deny Him His due or His rights.  So that's all okay, right?

Well, no. And we've got a pretty good illustration of this.

We aren't too big on formal religion in our society.  (Outside of those of us here in this church, of course.)  We want to be easy-going about it, and not stress too much, and not be too cruel to other people.  But, you know, it doesn't matter if we just go for spirituality in general.  Whatever the heck spirituality means.  We can just use that as a term for anything that's not really illegal or outstandingly immoral, and that doesn't relate to business or technology.  And just everything on that line is sort of religion or spirituality, because religion has too many rules, and spirituality doesn't.

A few years ago, this was called New Age, or the New Age movement.  You expected that religions were sort of different paths to the same ... well, I won't say "truth," because truth assumes that *some* things are *not* true, and that isn't exactly fair.  So we'll just say they're all different paths to spirituality, and spirituality, even though we don't know what it is, is a *good* thing.

New Age tended to be written with a capital N and a capital A, and as two words.  I tended not to capitalise anything, and to run the two words together, so that it became newage, which rhymed with sewage.  Which I thought was highly appropriate.

The thing is, if you go with this sort of new age mentality, you just accept everything.  And, as has been stated, if you keep your mind sufficiently open people will throw a lot of garbage into it.  And that seemed to happen with the New Age movement.  Everything was okay.  We just accepted everything.  Nothing was terribly bad.  There weren't any particular standards.  More like, maybe, guidelines.  Even "guidelines" might be a little too strong.  So maybe just suggestions.  Which you can sort of take or leave.

If we just accept anything, it doesn't really matter.  Well, If it doesn't really matter, then why bother about it?

You have to choose. 

We have chosen God.  We need to stick with that choice.  We need, ourselves, to follow God's will.  If we think we're following God's will, and God's will is one will, we can't have a number of different possible gods, and still come to any conclusions about what we should actually be doing. 

And remember that when I say "we," I really mean "I," and you should be hearing it as "I" for yourselves.  This is not about saying what *other* people should do, but what *we* should do.  Giving ourselves clarity.  Giving ourselves the best chance to actually determine what it is that God wants us to do.

I mean, it's not just logical, but inherently necessary. 

God is the creator of all, of everything.  If there are, somewhere, not only this universe, but in the entirety of reality as God created it, other powerful entities that we might be tempted to call gods, because they superior to, or more powerful than, us, well, they still were created by God.  The one *true* God.  If they are more powerful than we are, but *didn't* create everything, then that's not God.  So calling them gods, well, it says more about us than it does about them.

And if there are a bunch of "gods," that are more powerful than we are, but none of them actually created *everything*, well, what rights does that give them?  What precedence does that give them?  They are more powerful than we are, but that just makes them bullies.  In terms of worshipping them, if they aren't the true creator God, they aren't worth worshipping.

2 Corinthians 6:14

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.

Okay, let's try another, well, maybe not commandment, but instruction or directive.  This is from the New Testament, and it's maybe a little bit iffy.  In second Corinthians, when it says that we should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, most people seem to think that's saying you can't marry non-Christians.  Others disagree.  Elsewhere, of course, this idea of being married to non-believers is examined more explicitly.  But it also says, if you are married to a non-believer, and the non-believer doesn't want to get divorced, then you should stay married.  But, if you weren't married, you shouldn't marry a non-believer.

I think there's an awful lot of validity in that directive.  Marriage is hard work.  Marriage is great: don't get me wrong.  I'm a grieving widower.  I am grieving because my wife died; because my wife is no longer here; because I am alone.  It is not good for man to be alone.  Marriage is wonderful.  The best piece of non-advice that my father ever gave me was to say that marriage was the best thing that ever happened to him.  Marriage is definitely the best thing that's ever happened to me.  I am definitely in favour of marriage.

By and large, I don't believe in the concept of "the one and only."  And I think there's an awful lot to be said for arranged marriages sometimes.  And that if you choose to be married, and if you choose to love someone, that that can form the basis of a very strong marriage  Even so, I would still say that you should have some choice in the matter.

So in regard to the admonition against marrying non-believers, well, like I say, marriage is a lot of work.  Marriage is hard.  Marriage is a lot of hard work.  Marriage is difficult enough without having a basic and fundamental disagreement over the nature of reality.  I mean, you either believe in God or you don't.  You believe that God has first claim on our lives, and that following God's commands and will is the best thing for us, or you don't.  And if you disagree on that, you disagree, very fundamentally, about the nature of reality.  And that disagreement affect all kinds of other very fundamental axioms for life.  For example, the existence and validity of standards of morality.  What we should be doing with our lives.  Whether we, and our desires, are the sum total determiner of what we should be doing, or if there is something else that has a prior claim on what we do.  And how we think, and how we live.  If we do not agree on that fundamental basis, it's going to be an awful lot harder, making a marriage.  There is not going to be much of a meeting of minds if there is not that agreement between you. 

Now, there's another aspect of the law, and directives in general, that turns on this idea of the law being good for us.  But it's also interesting in terms of the prohibition against worshipping idols.

There's an awful lot of really great business advice in the Bible.  We seem to think that we have invented business management in the last couple of hundred years, or even in the last seventy years, by some reckoning.  But it's interesting to note that every twenty years, a really important business principle gets rediscovered.  That is, pay attention to people.  Now, God's been telling that for millennia, in fact.  But, every twenty years, somebody brings out a book that basically says the same thing, and it becomes a huge business hit, that people think has been discovered for the first time.  In the 1960s, there was "Theory X and Theory Y," which basically said, pay attention to your people.  Around 1980 there was the book "In Search of Excellence," which basically said, pay attention to your people.  Around the year 2000, Jules Pfeffer wrote "The Human Equation," which basically said, pay attention to people.  Are we beginning to see the pattern here?

God has been telling us that for millennia.  It's not new.  It shouldn't be news.  We should have been paying attention to it all the time.  But that's only one of the really great pieces of business advice that there is in the Bible.

And some of the business advice really goes against what we, very firmly, believe.  I ran a Men's Retreat where we took the theme of work, and used that.  We had different people talk about their professions and jobs, and what it was like being a Christian in that profession.  We had a keynote speaker who did a really bang up job of researching the Bible's attitudes to business and to work.  He did an exemplary job, and gave us a tremendous grounding on a Biblical basis and Biblical attitude to work, business, commerce, and so forth.  It was absolutely amazing.

The guys in the retreat hated it.  Because, you see, an awful lot of the Biblical statements and attitudes towards commerce are contrary to one of our big, unrecognised idols of the modern age.  And that is capitalism.

Capitalism has been very successful.  It has made us very productive.  It has made us richer.

But it's a false idol.  

It isn't Biblical.  It's really difficult to say that it's even neutral.  To prove that point, I give you the sabbatical year.  Oh, yes.  We are not only to keep the Sabbath day, but every seven years, we are to leave the ground fallow.  We are not to plough.  We are not to plant.  We are not to be efficient about this.  (And efficiency is another area to consider.)

No, we are to leave the fields alone.  We are to have faith.  We are to trust that God has given us enough, in the six years that we are allowed ploughing and planting, that we'll make it through a full year, and a little bit, more until we can again.  Once again, this is something that is probably good for us.  Leaving the ground fallow for a year, after six years of planting, lets it regenerate the soil.  Rebalance itself, without interference from us.  We tend to think that we're really good at managing productive resources, such as agricultural land.  But there's an awful lot of times that it becomes apparent that we just aren't as good as we think we are.  So, the sabbatical year is not only a command from God, it's a really good idea.  And we should do it.

But the sabbatical year isn't the *only* year that the land should lie fallow. There's the Year of Jubilee.  And the year of Jubilee goes a *lot* further.  The Year of Jubilee says that we are to forgive debt.  That we are to give back land that we have bought or obtained from other people.  That we can't actually buy somebody else's land.  We can just lease it.  It needs to go back to them every fifty years.

This is a huge no-no, in terms of capitalism.  It's ridiculous to expect people to give back property that they have legitimately bought and paid for.  I mean, how can you build up your savings?  Build up your stock?  Become richer?  If every fifty years we've gotta give an awful lot of it back?

Yeah, but that's the point.  Why do we need to pursue *that* much wealth?  If you had something, some productive field, some house, some business premises, to live in, to work in, to make money for you, for forty-nine year, well, why do you need to still keep it?  You've made money, you've gotten richer.  You've got a lot of money.  Why do you need to give it back, simply because that's what God says to do?

And once again, it's something that modern research indicates is actually a very good idea.  Not just in religious terms.  But in business terms, in terms of the entire economy  And, in terms of society, possibly even in terms of preventing war.

Recently, it has been rather firmly established that the one thing that capitalism is better at than making people productive, is concentrating wealth.  Unrestrained capitalism inherently, and almost inevitably, ensures that those who have get more, and those who don't have get poorer.  The rich get richer and the poor get children, as the song says.  And research has proven that it's not just a song lyric.  Capitalism creates inequity.  Inequity creates social instability.  And the Year of Jubilee would go a long way to fixing that: to rebalance society, every fifty years.

Philippians 4:8

In conclusion, brothers, focus your thoughts on what is true, noble, righteous, pure, lovable or admirable, on some virtue or on something praiseworthy.

There are other areas that maybe aren't commands, but are still very good advice.  There is Philippians 4:8.  That tells you, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, whatever is really good stuff, think on these things.  Now, it's probably fairly easy to see that this is good advice.  If we concentrate on the good; if we avoid thinking and dwelling on the bad; well, the power of positive thinking probably kicks in, and, whatever you think about Norman Vincent Peale, that's probably good advice.

Even if your life is not particularly good, and *my* life is not particularly good right now, being grateful for those things that *are* good; my garden, one particular friend who I converse with regularly every week, the fact that I have the second best view in Port Alberni; being grateful for these things is helpful in not sinking more deeply into depression.  It doesn't necessarily *fix* any of the problems, or mitigate my depression, but at least it doesn't make more problems.  And, of course, when I'm thinking about positive things; thinking about good things; I'm not dwelling on my problems and difficulties and suffering.  And so, at least it keeps the depression from getting any worse.  These days this is known as cognitive behavioural therapy, or CBT, or at least a part of it.  (Another one is the facial expression hypothesis, which is that simply *smiling*, whether you feel good or not, might make you feel better, or, at least, not feel worse.  It certainly makes *other* people feel better  :-)  You are distracting yourself from dwelling on the bad things by considering the good things.  Cognitive behavioural therapy is a big deal in psychology and counselling these days.

You probably don't need to be depressed to benefit from thinking about whatever is pure and whatever is lovely.  If you're thinking about those things, in any interactions that you have with other people, those tend to be the freshest, most current thoughts in your mind.  And therefore, those thoughts tend to be what comes to mind in whatever conversations happen when you encounter someone.  You'll be speaking of, and spreading, and reinforcing, pure things, admirable things, good things, noble things.  If you're constantly thinking of problems and troubles, that's what's probably going to come out in your conversation.  Which probably doesn't end up doing an awful lot of good for you, and for anyone around you.

I'm going to come back to the Philippians passage, but I have to make a wee bit of a digression before I finish up, here.  I didn't think of it when I first got the idea for this sermon, but, as I've collected these examples, I've noticed that all of the research supporting these examples is fairly recent.  Histology, the study of types of tissue, is a new field.  Nobody had ever dreamed of it in New Testament times, let alone two thousand years before when the law was given.  CBT is new.  Detailed concepts of business and economics is a new field.  So, for those who would claim that the Bible is just a religious text, and might have a few decent philosophical ideas, but doesn't actually have God behind it, because there *is* no God, I have a question.  How is it that this religious text had so many of these great ideas, supported by research that is mostly not more than a hundred years old, two and four thousand years ago?

OK, end of digression.  Let's get back to Philippians.

This passage in Philippians can be a little problematic in specific situations.  After Gloria died, basically, my life was over.  I wasn't so much rebuilding my life, as building an entirely new life.  I came up with lots of ideas and started pursuing different projects in different directions.  But I had *so* many possible projects, and so many ideas, that there was the question of which were the ones to concentrate on.  When I raised this issue with a friend, she immediately went to Philippians 4:8.

The thing is, that a number of the ideas that I had, and possible projects that I could have worked on, involved my professional career in information security.  Information security, of course, doesn't always involve security: an awful lot of the time it involves theft, and lying, and fraud, and all kinds of things that can, by no stretch of *anybody's* imagination, be considered pure, or noble, or lovely, or admirable.  That seemed to indicate that I should concentrate on other areas, and move away from what had been my professional life.  Especially since it was probably time for me to retire anyway.

Mind you, you don't just drop your professional life at the drop of a hat (and, when you're a consultant, this idea of "retirement" is a bit difficult, anyway).  You don't immediately dump years of researching and learning in this area, and a lot of my contacts, reading materials, and areas of interest were in security.  And so, while not concentrating on it, I was still noting items that related to areas that I had been researching, and that might have been possible projects for the future.

One of the ideas that I was working on, that I figured had a good chance of being noble, admirable, and pure, was this possibly rather silly project of writing sermons.  And there was one which, very shortly after I moved to Port Alberni, I felt very strongly moved to write.  I kept feeling that this was important, and that I was possibly being prompted.  And so I wrote it up.

But it didn't feel finished.  I wasn't happy with it.  I couldn't think of anything specifically wrong with it, but it just seemed to need more.  More what, I wasn't sure.  And then, one day, prompted by a throwaway comment at the end of somebody else's sermon, the extra material, and where are the sermon had to go, came to me, almost in an instant.

The thing was, it wasn't any particular Bible study.  And it wasn't anything profound that this other minister had said.  As I say, it was a throwaway comment, at the end of the sermon, a bit of a joke.  But it prompted a remembrance of a couple of the security projects which addressed areas that were definitely *not* pure.  They were areas of danger for society, and even for the church, as well as for individual Christians.  But they were concepts that came because of my work in the depths and darker places of information security.  And those two areas of research, which didn't have to do with anything pure, gave me the completion of the sermon that I was unhappy about.

It's very odd.  And it kind of works against my thesis for this sermon.  Maybe we can just say that it's evidence that God can use anything, even mistakes of ours, for our good.

And that all things, even what seem to us to be arbitrary and oddball religious laws, work together for good to those who love the Lord.

Genesis 2:18

It is not good for

man alone; a helper made

thus completing him.

Review of "The Spare Room," by Helen Garner

My tastes in literature are not sophisticated.  When I was a teen, I read an awful lot of science fiction.  I never really did get into westerns, although I like Zane Grey.  But these days, most of what I read tends to be mysteries, or thrillers.  Of course I love Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, but they may be the exception that proves the rule, since whatever they are, they are rather mysterious.

So, "The Spare Room" is pretty much everything that I don't have the patience for.  It is modern literature, it is a standalone novel (not part of a series), it is about women, and relationships, and friendship, and all those things that I find pretty boring unless they're part of a romantic comedy.

And I am enjoying it.  I'm not sure that I would say *thoroughly* enjoying it, but I am continuing to read it, and I propose to read it through to the end.  Maybe I like it because I have experience with both nursing in institutions, and with caring at home, and with caring for the dying.  This isn't a huge commitment, since it's a relatively small book.  But I am enjoying it, and I suspect that I will pick up one of Helen Garner's other books, if I can find them, at some point.

Job 19:25-27

I know that my Defender lives.

    And in the end he will come to show that I am right.

Even after my skin has been destroyed,

    in my flesh I will still see God.

I will see him myself.

    I myself will see him with my own eyes.

    How my heart wants that to happen!

SYN/ACK: Let me know if I can ever help you out

Someone is thanking me for doing them a favour.

"Let me know if I can ever help you out."

(Which, in my rather demented mind, always prompts the response, "Which way did you come in?")

This has become one of my least favourite phrases.  It's not that I'm not grateful for their offer of help.  It's that I wonder if this actually *is* an offer of help.

For one thing, the phrase is tied, in my mind right now, to the expressions of sympathy or condolences on Gloria's death.  So many people have made a similar statement, such as saying, "Let me know if there's anything I can do for you."  I think I may have mentioned this before.  In terms of grief and bereavement this statement leaves all of the effort and all of the decisions on me.  (And, do recall, I am the damaged one, here.)  I have to figure out what I need.  I have to figure out if my needs are actually needs, or just desires or wants.  I have to figure out if my need is important enough.

I also have to figure out what the person who made the offer is capable of doing.  Is this person capable of addressing my needs?  (If, as mentioned, they are actually needs.)  Is this person able to address my needs?  Is this person *willing* to address my needs?  Would this person find addressing my needs difficult: perhaps too difficult for them to accomplish?

(It's not just friends and aquaintances that make this offer.  During my current battle with depression, I have to check in, every week, with the mental health office.  Several times the counsellors have asked the same question: "What do you want us to do for you?"  Well, what do you have in mind?  What programs *does* this office offer?  What is its mandate, and what is it *not* supposed to do?  How do I know, in the current labrythine maze of the health system?)

Now, I assume that for the most part, this person is sincere.  They would like to do something for me.  But are they capable?  Can they handle it?  I've certainly had ample evidence in the, now, two years plus since Gloria died, that a lot of people just simply cannot address needs.  Most people are simply incapable of listening without offering cliches or unwanted advice.  Many people simply cannot offer comfort.  It is beyond them.  It's interesting how very few people can offer comfort in our society.  It makes you wonder about the caring professions.  I have always held nurses in very high esteem, and my recent experiences have only increased this.

So, in terms of grief and bereavement, saying, let me know anything I can do for you is kind of a non-starter.

I have to figure out what I need.  I have to figure out what you can do.  And, of course, I have to be the one to make the approach, make the decision, and ask for help.  I am the damaged person in this situation.

But my issues with this offer go beyond grief and bereavement.  "Let me know if there's ever anything I can do for you."  It's a rather expansive statement.  It is, in fact, a rather over the top statement.  If there is *ever* anything I can do for you?  Ever.  This is an unending obligation.  I can call upon this at any time.  The person making the offer probably didn't mean that.  And *anything* they can do for me?  Sure.  If I'm suddenly faced with a need for a million dollars?  I'd like to buy this property.  I really like its view.  Have you got a million bucks?  So that I can buy it.  I may be able to pay you back.  Oh, in any case, I could leave it to you in my will.  Yeah.  How many people have a million bucks lying around that could be used for that kind of transaction.

Again, the "let me know" part still puts the onus on me.  I have to decide.  How much was my help worth? 

Which raises the questions: was this a transaction?

If this is a transaction, how much is it worth?  I didn't think it was a transaction.  *I* thought I was just helping out.  I could do it.  And so, when asked, I did.  Does that set up an obligation?  How much of an obligation?  If I need something, how much is that worth to the person who's offered to help?  At any time, ever after, with anything.  Anything at all.  (Unto the half of my kingdom.)

I mean it's a ridiculously extravagant offer.  And because ridiculously extravagant, I wonder if it's an offer at all.  Is this just one of our standard completely meaningless phrases in our society?

Another one is, "how are you?"

People don't really care how I am.  I know this.  I have ample proof of this.  My life is terrible right now.  And so, when people ask how I am, I say terrible.

The reactions that I get to this are interesting.  Some people will just automatically say, "Oh, that's good."  They don't even hear what I say.  They don't even listen when I respond.  (Actually, I had an interesting variation on this, recently.  Somebody actually did listen.  But then replied, "Oh.  Well it's okay that you're good."  I kind of wondered what the logic was behind that thought process.)

This is because "how are you" is not a question.  Nobody is concerned about how I am.

I refer to this as SYN/ACK. 

In data communications this is the indication of the request for establishment of a connection.  You send a SYN or "synchronisation" packet.  The synchronisation packet simply means I wish to establish a channel of communications.  The responding device will send back an ACK, which simply means I acknowledge that you have requested to open a communications channel.  This doesn't mean that any actual communication has gone on.  It is the lowest level Of communication.  It only means I request that communications be established, and a response acknowledging that you have requested to communicate.  No communication has actually taken place.  No data has been transmitted.  This is only an opening salvo in protocols that may negotiate a great many other issues before communications can take place. So, SYN/ACK is this basic "I acknowledge that you exist," which is a pretty minimal issue of communication.

And, in our society, "how are you" is basically this SYN/ACK.

The fact that nobody cares how I am is amply established by the second most common response that I get from people, which is, "You can't say that!"  "You shouldn't say that!"  "That's a terrible thing to say!"

You ask how I am.  I have told you, truthfully, how I am.  And you are denying what I have told you.  Do you have any *reason* to deny what I've told you?

But, I have violated the protocol.  Because the protocol is not to provide information about how I am.  The protocol is simply "I acknowledge that you exist."  And I have gone beyond that.  So, "how are you" is not a question.

It is just SYN/ACK.

So, we have a violation of protocol.  And, yes, I can confirm that I have violated the protocol, because of the third most common response that I get.

And that is that people are upset.

Now people can be upset and say, "no you're not" or "you shouldn't say that."  But, equally, people can say, "Why are you terrible?"  They expect me to perhaps give some simplistic response, that I have some minor, short term, issue which can be easily fixed.  The fact that my life is terrible, that I am bereft, that I am in the throes of depression in addition to the grief, doesn't fit with the simple, short term expectation.  They don't want to know how I am.  If I am to say anything negative, it is to be something simple.  My car won't start.  I have a cold.  And, if I have a cold, hopefully I'm getting over it.

"How am I" is not asking how I actually am.  It is asked, or, more likely stated, in the expectation that I am basically fine.  That I have no unmet needs.  That I have no problems. It is SYN/ACK.

So is "Let me know if I can ever help you out" just SYN/ACK?  Is this yet another automatic acknowledgement, "you have done something for me?"

There is no feeling of obligation.  There is no reality of the offer to help me with anything.

There is, in fact, no meaning behind the offer other than acknowledgement that I have, in fact, done something for them.  The fact that I have done something for them doesn't necessarily awaken any sense of actual obligation to do anything, anything at all, ever, for me.  So "Let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you"  It's just a SYN/ACK.  Basically, it's just a lie.

She is a shift manager at an outfit that I frequent frequently.  She seems to be consistently cheerful, always polite.  She makes sure that her staff are dealing properly with their tasks, and generally manages a very busy situation effectively and efficiently.  Whenever I am there, if she sees me, she greets me by name.  She asks how I am.  Today, I mentioned to her that I would be working for in a few days, since one of the volunteer groups will be participating with this particular enterprise in a community event.  She didn't turn a hair.  She didn't respond to what I said.  I don't think she actually even heard it.

I tend to refer to this as American retail clerk friendliness.  Americans are generally considered to be the best in the world at retail service.  Others may try to deal with retail in some interesting ways.  But the Americans, will do pretty much anything for a buck, and seem to specialise in friendly service, or service with a smile.  The French seem to take pride In providing the absolute worst service of anyone on the planet.  The South Asian diaspora also seems to be willing to do anything for a buck.  For one thing, they will agree with anything you say.  Even if it's not true, even if they can't fulfil what you have asked for, they will agree.  They also take absolutely any opportunity for retail opportunities.  I can remember a huge international community festival in Edmonton.  All of the various national and ethnic groups (and, of course, in any Canadian city, there are many) were represented.  The British sold fish and chips, the Scots were putting on highland country dancing.  The Armenians had a booth saying that the Turks were genocidal maniacs, and the Turks (next door) had a booth saying what liars the Armenians were.  The South Asian community had a very large booth.  They were selling second-hand clothes.  That was it.  (I suppose, in many senses, it was a very realistic representation of their culture. )

But the Americans are big on retail friendliness.  The Americans make a specialty out of presenting themselves as your friends.

And, of course, they don't care whether you live or die, as long as you die *after* the sale is made.  They are just as willing as the South Asians to lie to you, if that will make the sale.  (Although they do have a greater tendency to argue the point that what you have asked for is not what you actually wanted, and that what you actually wanted is what they are selling).

The point being that, although it's a little bit more extensive than a simple SYN/ACK, American clerk friendliness is just as much of a lie.  There isn't any depth to it.  American clerk friendliness has a tremendous depth of superficiality.

And, of course, I *have* let you know what you can do to help me out.  I have let a lot of people know what they can do to help.  I am a grieving widower.  I am lonely.  Does anyone ever call?  Of course not.  I am a grieving widower, and I would like to tell someone about Gloria, about what I have lost.  Will anyone listen?  Of course not.  Of course, part of this is our societal disinclination to listen to anyone anyway, but you would think that people could at least be willing to listen to me talk about Gloria.  But no.  That is too much to ask.

Then there are the people who ask me for specifics of what I need.  They of course, do not actually deliver.  One person has promised, at least twice, going back more than a year, to ensure that I have opportunities to teach.  This person is, in fact, in a position to deliver on that promise.  So far, it hasn't happened.  (I am no longer holding my breath.)

I was going to help with coffee at one church today.  I set my alarm to get up early so that I could be there early enough to help out, and even to learn how the process worked.  However, that church decided to cancel their service.  As I was walking out the door.  (The fact that I even got the announcement that they were canceling the service was a bit of an accident.  Normally I wouldn't ever have gotten that announcement until long after the fact.)

So, I was left with a choice of which church to go to this morning.  I had plenty of time to make that decision.  But it wasn't an easy decision.  I simply couldn't think of any church, in all of Port Alberni, where it would be worthwhile, or I would get any kind of benefit, out of going to that church.  I don't normally think of churches in terms of me getting a benefit out of it, I usually go where I am needed for something.  But, not being specifically needed anywhere, I couldn't think of any church to which I wanted to go.  I knew that I would be ignored at pretty much all of the churches, but I hadn't been to this church for a while, so I decided to go there.

Nobody at any of the churches in Port Alberni cares whether I live or die.  But there are two churches where, rather than just simply being ignored, I get repeatedly attacked when I show up.  That's one of them.  It's not actually the worst: the other Church is much crueler. But I would estimate that it's the second cruelest church in Port Alberni.

Somebody I know came and asked me how I was.  I said that Sundays are the worst. 

"Did you and your wife do special things on Sunday?" she asked.  (She can't, of course, remember my wife's name.)

No, not particularly. 

"Then why is Sunday the worst?"

Because it is more proof that absolutely nobody in any of the churches in Port Alberni cares whether I live or die.

"That's not true!" she said. 

I have objective evidence and proof, I said. She ignored this.

"I care!  You may feel that way, but that's just the way you feel!"

Okay, so now my feelings are invalid.  I am wrong to feel the way that I feel.  If if I feel this way, isn't there some responsibility on the part of the churches or the church members?  There are lots of things that upset Gloria which I never meant as an attack, or an accusation, or an insult.  There were lots of times that I upset Gloria without meaning to.  In that case, I figured that it was my responsibility to figure out why Gloria was upset and why what I had said (very often actually meaning it as a compliment) had upset her.  I can recall one time making a comment about staff at a company who all had university degrees.  I meant it to note that a lot of people who had degrees were, in fact, pretty stupid.  Gloria, unfortunately, was very embarrassed by her lack of formal education, and automatically took it as a swipe at her for not having a formal education.  I had to figure this out, ask her why I had upset her, explain myself, and also be much more careful in future about saying anything to do with formal education.

But let's leave that for a moment.  Let us say that I am, in fact, overly sensitive and misreading absolutely everyone's intentions even when their intention is to ignore me. 

She went on to say, "Sometimes you need to reach out! Sometimes you need to tell people what you need!"

Well, I have.  That's part of my objective evidence and proof.  I have been to all twenty-one churches in Port Alberni.  In every single church in Port Alberni, there is at least one person who has my full contact information.  In every single church in Port Alberni, there is at least one person who knows my situation and (at least to a limited extent) my difficulties.  Nobody contacts me.  Nobody calls me.  No one invites me to meals or coffee, at least not unless, as in one of the foregoing postings, I do all the work; I figure out the schedules; I figure out the time and the place and convenience of the other person; and I make all the arrangements.  If I do all that work (and, remember, I am the damaged one here, I am the one who is in pain and suffering here, at any rate) then we might have coffee.  Once.  No one thereafter contacts me.  No one phones me.  No one sends me an email.  No one asks how I am.  (Sorry, that's not true.  When I meet people they ask how I am.  When I, truthfully, say terrible, well, I have already described the reactions: number one reaction oh good.  Number two reaction no you're not.  Number three reaction oh that's too bad and then they tell me all about their problems.)  So, yes, I have said what I need.  I have reached out for help.  And nobody is helping.  I would say that that's pretty good evidence that nobody cares whether I live or die.

She continued to argue the point, getting shriller, and berating me for feeling bad in church on Sunday.  So I left.  I went to a different church.  As I came in the door, the usher at the door, whom I know, whom I have attended Bible studies and prayer meetings with, and pray for every single day (because he had asked for prayer), made a stab at my name, and got it wrong.  I pray for this guy every single day.  I pray for all twenty-one churches every single day.  I pray for a whole bunch of people in all of those churches every single day.  I thought I was over inflating it in my mind in terms of the number of people that I pray for every day, and so at one point I wrote it all down, and added it all up.  There are over 210 names on that list.  That's an average of at least ten people per church that I pray for.  And, apparently, some of the people that I'm praying for, because I know that they have a difficult situation, who have asked me to pray about their situation, can't remember my name.  Okay I'm not the greatest person in the world to remembering names anyway.  But it just seemed rather odd.  And yet more evidence that no, nobody cares whether I live or die.

There are a number of people who, when I say that, I would like someone to listen to my tale of woe and my stories about Gloria, aver that they are excellent listeners.  They aren't, of course.  Most of the time I have no sooner started talking than something that I say will trigger a memory or a story or a cliche.  And they will then take over the conversation and tell me all of *their* troubles. 

I volunteer with a number of organizations.  I help with other groups.  I have attended, and actively participated in, all twenty-one churches in Port Alberni.  In all twenty-one churches in Port Alberni, at least one person has my contact information, in detail.  In all twenty-one churches in Port Alberni, at least one person knows what I am going through.  Does anyone ever call?  Does anyone ever, seriously, suggest that we go for coffee?  Oh yeah, a couple of people have suggested that we go for coffee. If *I* make the arrangements, *I* pursue when is a suitable time, *I* generate the contact, *I* arrange to figure out the two schedules, and find a time, and a place, to have coffee, then we'll have coffee.  Once.  If I don't put in all that work and effort, then, no.  No coffee.

I have, at times, said that nobody in Port Alberni cares whether I live or die.  I have determined that that is quite literally true.  I have been sick, very sick, for about two weeks now.  Nobody has even noticed.  Nobody in Port Alberni cares whether I live or die.

Now, of course, there is absolutely no reason why anybody in Port Alberni *should* care whether I live or die.  But, at least you could stop lying about it.  "*I* care whether you live or die!" say some.  Oh yeah?  How come you don't know when I'm sick?  How come you don't notice when I'm not around anymore?  How come you don't contact me if I'm not around?  How come you don't find out why I'm not around?  You don't care whether I live or die: well that's okay.  But don't lie about it.

(I used to have a sig quote in my database of siq quotes for my sigblock.  (I need to find something that'll pull from my database: these days I just have a fixed sigblock.)  It read, "Okay, you've read my sigblock.  That's enough social interaction for one day."  These days, as the only pedestrian in town, people who know me, when driving past on the street, often honk.  It seems to be, around Port Alberni, that, "Okay, I've honked at you from a relatively safe distance.  That's enough social interaction for one day.")

(There is, of course, absolutely no obligation for you to consider any of this a cry for help.)

Exodus 15:11

Who, among the gods

is like unto thee, oh Lord,

creating marvels!

Eagles, crows, and size of world view

Before I get into this, I have to mention that Gloria liked crows.  She considered them the Bikers of the avian world.  They were big, and ugly, and they didn't care.  Gloria always had a bit of a thing for the "bad boy."  (Which sometimes makes me wonder why she married me ...)

Today I saw, on Instagram, a posting, about crows versus eagles.  Well, it wasn't really about "versus," as such: it was about how eagles basically ignore crows.  Crows attack eagles.  Not exactly *attack*, either.  They will peck at the eagle's neck, and sometimes they'll even grab onto the back of the eagle, while they're pecking on the neck.  The eagle, basically, ignores this.  (Again, I'm not quite sure about that, because I've seen crows dive bombing eagles, and the eagles don't seem to appreciate it very much, and try and get out of the way. But that's as may be.)  At any rate, this video goes on to say that the eagle doesn't do anything in particular about getting rid of the crow: it'll just keep on flying higher and higher.  And, as the eagle flies higher and higher, it gets to a level where the crow runs short on oxygen, and basically has to let go and fall off.

(Again, I rather question this.  I don't know that eagles would get much higher than about ten thousand feet.  And ten thousand feet isn't really enough for oxygen deprivation.  Yes, it's high enough that if you are exerting yourself, you will find work difficult.  But if you are simply hanging on to something, it shouldn't be a problem.  Birds, probably eagles or condors in the Himalayas, do get up to the twenty-five thousand, and even thirty thousand, foot range, in specialised cases.  But that isn't the bald eagle and crow situation that the author of the video is talking about.)

At any rate, it's not the problems with the video that the video got me thinking about, but rather Gloria.

Gloria used to get very annoyed, on my behalf, at people who would attack me in various ways.  Sometimes it was people who would steal my work.  Sometimes with people who would interfere with my projects because they wanted to take them over.  And Gloria would say, "Doesn't that make you angry?"

My first response to this was generally along the lines of, "What good would that do?"  If I get angry at these people, are they going to stop?  No, of course not.  They probably don't even think they're doing anything wrong.  the Kruger-Dunning effect takes over, in this situation, and they think that they are more competent than I, even though they are not competent enough to be able to judge my competence.  They think they are better, and smarter, and more qualified than I am.  Oh, well.  Does my getting mad help to change their mind?  Of course not.  If I get mad, it simply confirms, in their minds, the fact that I don't have the patience and tolerance necessary for a project of this calibre.

So, it's not going to change them.  Does it do me any good to get mad?  No, it just means that I'm angry.  That may be somewhat energising, but it has a number of downsides.

Gloria would sometimes push at this reaction.  Wasn't it unjust that mean people were working against me, were attacking me, were stealing my thoughts, projects, or opportunities?  Yes, it's unjust.  What can I do about it?  There isn't anything that is going to change the situation for the better, for me.  So, why fight it?

But when Gloria was really annoyed at someone attacking me, I would go to my main argument, which was that these people are desperate to take over, or were desperate to steal something of mine and make it theirs, or were desperate to be more important than they actually were.  They were fighting hard against me because whatever they were fighting for was the biggest thing in their lives.  Whether it was status, or a particular position, or being tied to a particular idea or project, it was huge to them.

It wasn't necessarily to me.

The thing is, I had a larger world, and a larger world view, than they did.  Sometimes even though they were more important, or richer, or had more social status than I had to begin with.  That didn't matter.  I had the larger view.  I have participated on a larger stage.  I had more perspective on what was important and what wasn't.

They were crows.  I was the eagle. 

My world was bigger than their world.

They needed to fight terribly hard to try and steal or take over what I had started or had created.  It was vitally important to them, because they had little or nothing else.

The thing is, it didn't matter as much to *me.*  Even though I had created it, and may have loved it on that basis.  Yes, I had put some work into it.  But if they stole that idea, well, yes they had stolen some of my time.  But that wasn't all that I had.  I had other projects.  I had other ideas.  I *always* had other ideas and projects.  I always had other possibilities.  And in a sense, I was sorry for these people.  Because they *didn't* have other possibilities.  They couldn't generate ideas.  They couldn't create something of their own.  They had to steal what I had started, because they couldn't do it themselves.

At the moment I've got at least half a dozen writing projects and ideas that I could be working on.  If someone decided to somehow steal *this* particular idea, and pass it off as theirs, well, okay, that's annoying.  I have lost a few hours that I spent working on it.  But it's not the end of the world.  I can just go to the next idea on the list and pick up there.

It's not that it doesn't matter at all, to me.  It does.  I don't like people wasting my time.  I don't like being disregarded or disrespected or having my work ignored.  And, generally speaking, when somebody else steals my work they do a bad job of it, and the idea gets trashed because they didn't do a good job of developing it.  But it's not the end of the world, for me.  I have other options to try.  I have other projects to work on.  I have other ideas to develop.

My world is larger.  I am the eagle.

The crows are annoying.  Yes, sometimes I wish they weren't around.  And, very often, I wish that they wouldn't have ruined a good idea that they took over and trashed.  But what good does it do me to get mad about it?  It doesn't help the world.  It doesn't help me.  It doesn't help anybody.  Much better to just go on to the next idea.

And hope that nobody notices until I get it started ...

James 4:9

Grieve, mourn, and weep.  Turn your laughter into mourning and your joy into despair.

My amazing, custom built, birthday cake

My amazing, custom built, birthday cake ...

https://www.instagram.com/p/C5hohFcL6Jp/

BBC 6 - Grief Garden

I think my garden is dying.  Which is no great surprise.  I have never been a terrific gardener, and, between us, Gloria and I managed to kill every living plant that anybody ever gave us.  The girls gave us a Christmas Rose one year, and that managed to survive for a very impressive three years, but eventually I managed to kill that too.

The garden that I currently have is the remains of one of the five gardens that I had last year.  After Gloria died, for some reason I was very emotionally involved in gardening.  This was very strange.  My baby brother remarked on it, wondering why I was gardening, since Mom had ensured that all of us really hated gardening.  He's quite right.  I hated gardening possibly more than any of my siblings, since, being eldest, most of the work of resurrecting Mom's neglected gardens, on the random occasions when she felt the need to do so, fell to me.

So, yes, I hated gardening.  I'm no good at it.  I have no knowledge or skills in this area.  So why, in Delta, was I running not one, but *five* different gardens?

There was, of course, the facile answer.  Gloria had died, and therefore I wanted to create something alive.  I don't know.  Maybe this is the case.  I'd hate to think that it was a simple as that.  And if it was as simple as that, why didn't I just feel that way?

When I asked the grief counselors, one said that gardening was terribly therapeutic.  She loves getting her hands into the dirt.  No, that is not my type of therapy.  I do not like getting my hands dirty.  At all.  With anything.  So no, I do not find grubbing around in the dirt, with my hands, therapeutic.

Most of the rest suggested that I didn't need to understand why I had this deep emotional need to garden, I should just do it!  Well, that's all very well for those intuitive, emotional types.  But I'm a guy.  I primarily grieve in instrumental fashion.  We don't go for "just do it if it feels right," and that emotional type stuff.  We are cognitive.  We need to understand why.  I, particularly, need to understand why.  So this business of having a deep emotional need to garden, without any understanding as to why, really bugged me.

I did do it.  As I say, I managed five gardens.  I wasn't particularly successful, in any of them.  And, that was in Delta.  So, of course, the only one that I could bring along, was my pot garden.

Yes, okay, I know you've all had a good giggle over my pot garden, and the implications of that word.  I note that I initially called it the pot garden, because it was all in pots.  However, I must admit, that the pots were a gift from my baby brother.  And that he obtained hundreds of pots on the occasion when he was not sufficiently careful with who he was renting his house to, and they turned it into a grow op.  So, yes, your giggle over the pot garden does have some validity to it.

As I say, my garden is dying.  About half of the plants that I brought over with me, when I came to Port Alberni, have already died.  The remainder are looking pretty sickly, although that may have something to do with the fact that it was the middle of winter when last I looked at them.

But, I'm gardening again.  Well, not quite yet.  But I now have a plot in one of the community gardens here in Port Alberni.  And that seems to have rekindled the activity of gardening in general.

I was kind of wondering if the gardening had been restricted to Delta.  For the ridiculously short period of eight months that I was there, I had five gardens.  And then I moved to Port Alberni, and I had no gardens at all.  Well, I had the pot garden.  Or, at least, the remains of the pot garden.  I still have strawberry plants that haven't died, and a couple of pine trees that haven't died.

And, having been out with the trail maintenance crew, I have I have harvested salmonberry plants which we were tearing out along the trails.  And at least one of the plants seems to have survived the transplant.  At least, well enough to put out one flower.

So, I have a little bit of a result from the pot garden, not all of which has completely died.

At any rate, I've now got a plot.  And, actually, a fairly large plot, in the community garden.  Which I had applied for shortly after I got here.  (Having found that community gardens were almost non-existent in Port Alberni.  And having gotten on the waiting list for a plot.  And having almost forgotten that I had applied for it.)

But I've got it.  And now I have to figure out what to do with it.

I have figured out how to grow tomatoes from seed.  It's a fairly labour intensive process.  If I want to put tomato plants into the community garden, I'll probably start with tomato plants.  When I can find out where to buy them in Port Alberni.

I've been thinking a bit about seed potatoes.  So I may try that.

I'm still keen on corn, even I had had a rather disastrous crop when I tried them in Delta.  I'll probably try some squash.  Not quite sure how well that will work.  But it seemed to do well in the Deltassist garden.  So I may see how I can do with that.  I'm probably going to try broad beans again.  Although I'm not quite sure why.  They were pretty labour intensive when I grew them in Delta.  And I'm probably just trying them because Gloria was so keen on broad beans.  Broad beans are great but they're not exactly efficient.

I'll probably try some radishes because I had a lot of success with radishes.  I'm not sure I'm really successful with carrots.  Although mostly I'm remembering the weirdly mutant carrots I got out of the Sunstone community garden in Delta.  I didn't have an awful lot of success with generating carrots in the patio garden.

I think I'll try snow peas again.  I did have some success with them.

We'll have to see.  And I should probably get started because, yeah, it's already more than halfway through April, and I should be starting some of these if I'm to have any success with them at all.  I'd better get moving.  It's a good thing that next week I don't have too many activities on the go.  Although I definitely need to get some government work done ...

Yesterday was *supposed* to be an easy day, and, along the way, went completely crazy.  But I *did* get some seeds into my plot in the community garden.  (And turned the long-neglected compost bins.  And pulled out a bunch of plastic that people had carelessly dumped into the compost bins.  I'm really starting to *hate* plastic ...)  And watered in the seeds.

And wondered when I was going to get a chance to get down and water again so that the seeds would actually have a chance to germinate and sprout.

Got a couple of cherry tomato plants, also put one of my strawberry plants into the plot, planted a few broad beans around the corn, sprinkled some bell peppers (may not sprout), two lemon seeds by accident (probably won't sprout), some brussel sprouts (we'll see), and some carrots.

As mentioned, for some reason, having the community garden plot (and the accidental discovery of some larger pots) has rekindled my interest in my pot garden.  I have, just now, gone and gotten a load of dirt to augment what's left over in the pots.  No, I didn't buy a bag at Walmart, I trundled one of the big pots down to the trail at the end of 16th.  I also picked up some moss: I've got it placed around the base of one of the salmonberry bushes, so that the salmonberries will feel a bit more at home.

Okay, I'm still gardening.  And I still don't know why I'm gardening. 

Just having the community garden plot seems to be making me marginally happier.  Okay, I've only had a short time, so the evidence is rather limited.  But I am planting seeds, transplanting one of my strawberry plants, and even buying tomato plants.  Nothing is growing, just yet, so there is no sense of accomplishment in what I am doing.  There have been no results.  And there won't be any results for some months, I would imagine.  So why is the mere existence of the garden plot making me, even if only slightly, happier?

The closest idea might be that it gives me hope.  If it is giving me hope, I am hoping against hope, and even against the evidence.  Since, two years ago in Delta, despite having five gardens on the go, I actually produced pretty close to nothing.  I got a couple of corn cobs, out of all of the corn seeds that I planted, although I suppose I did occasionally have a bit of a feed of snow peas.  I got some radishes: I'm not terrifically fond of radishes.  Not that I have anything against them, except for their being sharp and bitter, just they're not my all-time favorite vegetable.  About the only thing you can say for them is that they grow easily, and you can eat them raw.  I did get a few beets, but beets take an awful lot of preparation.  I did get a fair harvest of broad beans, but broad beans take an *awful* lot of preparation.  As well as a fairly large compost heap for disposing of the extra bits.

I did get some carrots, although the mutant form of the carrots was a bit off putting.  As well as being difficult to deal with. 

Last year, with my pot garden remains, the strawberry plants gave me absolutely nothing to eat.  They did produce some flowers, and they did actually produce some strawberries.  I figure birds got to the berries before I got any.

So, why does the garden give me hope?  Why does the hope give me a sense of happiness, even if only a small one?  I don't know.  I don't know why a garden is therapeutic.  I don't like scrabbling around in the dirt and the mud.  I don't like having to wait.  I get bored easily.  I rather doubt that evolution has had enough time to build into us a sense of hope and therapy out of gardening.  Yes, it feeds us.  But for an awful lot of our history, it has been dull, dirty, slogging work.  Why on Earth is it therapeutic?

Since I planted stuff yesterday and Tuesday (and got a couple more tomato plants), but I'm a bit sore today, it's nice that God is doing the watering for me today.  And the forecast seems to indicate that it's going to rain for a good bit of the next two weeks.

Okay my dying garden is maybe a little less dead ...

Philippians 1:23

I long to die and 

go to be with Christ, clearly

the best thing for me.

Shock therapy

The shrink is talking about shock therapy again.  As someone who deals with technology, I should be more sanguine about the concept of "let's reboot the system and see if that fixes the problem," but, somehow, I'm not keen on the idea.  I mean, I know it's not a threat, but it does sound an awful lot like, "You'd better get happy or we're going to put four thousand volts through your brain."  Nobody seems to be concerned about whether or not that will improve the situation or make it worse.  I guess, from *their* perspective, it doesn't really matter if things get worse: they don't like the way it is anyway.  However, I *do* know that things can get worse.  Things can *always* get worse.  I'm a grieving widower.  Of *course* things can get worse.

Job 17:10

But come! All of you! 

Try again! I will not find 

wisdom among you.

Volunteering

Last week was National Volunteer Week.  One group decided to have us fill out a "Why do you volunteer" poster.

I have always volunteered.  I started volunteering at a very early age.  In a sense my parents modelled this idea and impulse for volunteering activity, although I don't really recall their being terribly involved in volunteer organisations outside of the church.  But, nevertheless, volunteering was inculcated into me from a very early age.

I did do volunteer working for the church, but I also volunteered for a number of other organisations.  Some were related to the church.  I was on the board of the BC Area of Christian Camping International, and when I first became involved with the BC Youth Parliament, or Older Boys Parliament of BC, as it then was, it was at a time when it still had some tentative and tenuous links to its origin as a Christian boys organisation.

At one point, having built myself up quite a repertoire of volunteer work and positions, Physicians. I moved and lost all of them.  This was rather unfortunate for me.  I was very sad to to lose the positions, and the context, and even the work.  But, such is life. However, I continued volunteering in some capacity or other over time.  One of my volunteer activities was blood donations.  In Canada we don't get paid for blood donations And I gave blood quite extensively.  I have a relatively rare blood type, and so certain factors in my blood are useful to specific programs where they separated out those factors and and returned other components of my blood to me so that I could donate more often.  So, there are various and sundry ways of being involved in volunteering.

Volunteering can also help you, and benefit you, in a wide variety of ways. 

When I am doing career preparation presentations I always stress the importance of volunteering.  It was volunteering that got me a chance to get onto the Internet, over forty years ago, before the Internet was even *called* the Internet, when the Internet was accessible only to a very few.  I estimate that there were only a thousand people involved in the Internet at that point, rather than the billions that are now.

Volunteering teaches you many things.  There are the tasks that you are being asked to do, but there is also the important experience of getting along with other people in a Cooperative work situation.  Volunteer work is probably going to be different from your normal work.  And it's probably also going to be different from the work culture of your professional or working life.  As a professional, and as a consultant, I primarily work alone.  (I remember an article many years ago about everybody insisting that their jobs involved high-tech.  The author was making the point that not everybody could be involved in high-tech.  And so there had to be a definition and distinction.  His proposed distinction was that if your mother understood what you did, you didn't work in high-tech.  Not only did my mother *never,* ever understand what I did for a living, but most of my *bosses* didn't understand it either.  So, I worked alone.)  This is fine.  It's what professionals primarily do.  But it is a bit lonely.  So, working in a volunteer situation, on a crew with others, does make a nice change.

Much of my volunteer work is Community Policing (which is mostly about keeping people alive); and Emergency Support Services (which is mostly about keeping people alive); and the hospice society  (which, in my case, is mostly about comforting people who are grieving because their people have *not* been kept alive); so it's nice to go out with the trail crew (currently removing sword fern and salmonberry to keep it from encroaching on the trails), and, legitimately, kill something.

I'm not just involved in the churches (good thing), but also with the Sunshine Club (the "old folks" activities in town; I'm already on the Board), Lazy Ass Hikers, the Jesus Film Festival, Reconciliaction, and a variety of minor side projects, such as security seminars, arts walks/seminars, a speaker's bureau/club, a computer club, grief guys, an experimental CISSP seminar, grief bibliographies, and writing sermons.

You can learn activities, you can learn skills, you can learn cultures, you can learn an awful lot about life and work by doing volunteer work.  I always recommend it.  I always emphasise it to those trying to plan their careers and their life path.  Volunteer.  It's a great way to figure out what you like to do, what you *don't* like to do, what you are good at, what you *aren't* good at, and how well, you get along in different types of work environments.

I shouldn't sugar coat it: it can be difficult.  I'm facing a bit of burnout.  Don't believe the Hallmark movies: nobody comes to a small town, and particularly a mill town, unless they want to make a lot of money without too much effort.  Small towns sort of self-select for a lack of ambition and drive.  Here in Port Alberni, organisations and groups want paying members, but don't want to put in any effort into getting those members.  They don't want to produce pamphlets or easily accessible information that might explain *why* potential members might want to join (and how).  The groups don't put any effort to finding out or advertising their presence.  They want you to find them (and then pay for the privilege).

Volunteer work in Port Alberni is getting very tough.  I am having difficulty with some of the activities in many of the volunteer groups because many activities require multiple members to be involved, and it's hard to get other people to show up (or sign up) even when we have a fairly large crew of volunteers.

I am involved with a number of volunteer organisations in Port Alberni, and all of them seem to be on the verge of imploding.  Now, there are financial difficulties in the world (following the pandemic), and an awful lot of volunteer and charitable organisations are facing difficulties both with raising finances and with getting volunteers to put in work.  But it seems to be very much worse here in Port Alberni.  All of the groups that I'm working with can't get money, and are having trouble with their finances and budgets.  Funding grants from governments and other bodies are getting tighter.  But it's also true that it's getting really difficult to get volunteers to take on tasks.  I'm getting a pretty much constant barrage of email messages from pretty much all of the groups, begging for people to perform various activities.  Some of the duties I can take on, but I'm doing an awful lot of activities, and it's getting rather annoying as to how few of the other volunteers are willing to contribute to the activities.  Yes, there are people who prefer certain activities over others.  Yes, there are people who have preferred times that they will (or can) participate.  But, overall, very few people in the organisations are doing very much of anything.  Just simply knowing the number of calls that go out for specific activities; needed activities; *necessary* activities; activities that we should be doing as a matter of course; and seeing constant cries for help--well, it's annoying.  Not the calls for help.  But the fact the organisations *need* to put out those calls for help.  All of the organisations are in trouble, and the organisations are in trouble because nobody will put in much of any work.

(Port Alberni also has problems in that you cannot do *anything* any differently than it has always been done in the past.  Even if the needs have changed, even if the circumstances have changed, even if the situation has changed markedly and the activity needs to be changed or needs to be done in a new and different way, doing something new is a problem.  You have to do it in the same way that it has always been done.  It doesn't matter if the way that it has always been done, doesn't fit with the need.  [The truism that doing the same thing and expecting a different result is the very definition of insanity doesn't matter.]  The fact that this is the way we've always done it supersedes what actually needs to be done.  And if you find something that needs to be done, that hasn't been done before, Heaven help you.  There is absolutely no possible way to do that.)

Psalm 130:1

From the depths of my despair I call to you, Lord.

Telus

So, Telus representatives have been calling and offering me Internet, TV, and phone service bundles recently.  They keep on calling.  What they are offering sounds like a good deal.  Unfortunately, they won't confirm it.  I asked them to send me details of the offer.  They say that they will send me details of the offer.  Instead, what they send me is a bunch of marketing bumpf, which doesn't provide the prices that they quote me over the phone.

I run into Telus people at trade shows.  They offer me even better deals!  They offer me the terms that the telephone people offer me, but while the telephone people tell me that the federal government forbids them from offering me these prices on a long-term contract, the people at the trade shows say that yes, they can offer me this pricing for a longer term!  So I ask them to send me the details!

And they don't!

And there seems to be no way to get Telus to stop having the *same* people call me, and bother me ...

Romans 15:2

Each of us should please his neighbor for the good purpose of building him up.

Plans

I had a rough plan for today that involved a lot of walking.  Since I've been sick, I've been short on walking time.  But another event came along and made it difficult to accomplish the walking.  So that plan was out. 

I had another plan that included some trail work, but the trail crew has gone radio silent, so that plan was out.

So I had another plan based on getting some work done early, and then getting on with other things.  And I even woke up early enough that I can get a start on it.  But then, as I started up, there was something on Facebook to react to, and possibly develop.  So I made a note and put that aside.  But then there was *another* item to react to.  And it seemed to be more important than what I had planned to post.  So I reacted to and posted that, instead.  And then there was another thing to react to, and so I've made a note of the things that I had planned to do, but didn't get done, because these other things came along.

And I'm probably okay with that.  The things that I had planned aren't necessarily urgent, and I've made notes to myself, and I've got an awful lot of notes to myself buried in my email, but they're still there, and I may get to them eventually, but then if I don't, these other things may be more important.

Yes, I know that sticking to your own plans in the face of changing circumstances is foolish.  Yes, I've learned that lesson.  I've learned that what comes along, and is more important, is what you should do.  It's a little bit more difficult for me, because, after Gloria's death, it was difficult to get myself to do *anything*.  I had to set up some fairly rigorous structures, and plan my day, and plan my week, and even to a certain extent plan my months, so that I would do anything at all.  And these plans were important, and still are important, so that I don't just sit and do nothing.  But you have to recognize what is important, and what is *more* important.  It's not so much that "man plans and God laughs," or that "life is what happens when you're making other plans," as much as there's a continuum of importance, and you are constantly faced with the admittedly difficult task of figuring out where the things that come up are on that continuum.  And maybe the things that you had planned to do aren't as far along as what just pops up.

(By the way, I wrote this several days ago, and I'm only just getting around to posting it now ...)

Psalm 142:1-2

I call to the Lord for help;

    I plead with him.

I bring him all my complaints;

    I tell him all my troubles.

Viewing this QR code is perfectly safe

 

(Bearing in mind that I got my start in security researching malware, and know every *possible* way to trick people into running potentially unwanted software on their machines ...)

Genesis 2:18

Then the Lord God said, "I see that it is not good for man to be alone.  I will make the companion he needs, thus completing him."

MGG - 5.11 - HWYD - "The Chair"

I can't remember exactly when this happened. 

At the time I wasn't working full-time in information technology work.  I was going to all the trade shows and vendor presentations that I could come up with.  I do not know how I happened on this one particular group.  I did receive an invitation from them, and was interested in attending their event.  There wasn't much of a program, but there were some interesting vendors involved with them.  So I registered and went along. 

It was fully as interesting as I expected.  I was given a chance to talk in some detail with a number of vendors, and was impressed with the high calibre of the representatives from the vendors who were involved in this particular trade show.

As I went through the day, I heard various comments about "The Chair."  I did know that there were some door prizes.  One of the door prizes was a full entertainment system with a video camera, which at the time was impressively expensive.  But everyone was talking about "The Chair."  "Who do you think will win The Chair this year?"  "I hope I win The Chair."

The door prizes were displayed in one particular area, and I noted that the chair was an armchair with a recliner and foot rest, but, as far as I could tell, that was about it.  I stayed until the end, when the prizes were drawn.  Greatly to my surprise, I was the one who won the chair.  The chair was the first prize.

Then the organizers of the event got weird.  There were problems with delivery of the chair.  All of a sudden the group that had organized this event didn't want to award me the prize.

Even though they had invited me to this event, at this point, they decided that I wasn't really the type of person they were looking for at the event.  They balked at delivering the prize to me, and started requesting all kinds of details of information about my business. 

While all this was going on, I happened to receive a phone call from the shipping company which was delivering the chair.  They asked to confirm my address and whether I would be home at such and such a time in order to receive it.  I confirmed the address and the time.  They delivered the chair.  The next phone call I had from the organizers of this event, they were still loath to deliver the chair.  I told them that the chair had already been delivered.  That was the last I heard from them. 

Well, once "The Chair" was delivered, we found out why it was so special.  This was an early version of chairs that have subsequently become rather common, with back and leg massages and vibrations.  This chair even had a radio combined with a cassette system, and shipped with a cassette of "relaxing nature sounds."

When one son-in-law tried it, he decided it was extremely comfortable.  Until the point at which the nature sounds started playing the sound of a trickling brook.  At which point he decided that he immediately needed to go to the bathroom.

I still have "The Chair," and it still works just fine.  Visitors to our home, over the years, were introduced to it, and the grandchildren delighted in it.  (The greatgrandkids aren't quite of an age to be introduced to it, yet.)  It was Gloria's bed for several months when she broke her shoulder.  (When she needed to get up to go to the bathroom, she couldn't get out of it unaided.  So we made sure she always had the phone with her, and, when she needed to get up, she'd call my cell, and I'd come downstairs and help her to the bathroom.)  It has to be on the order of thirty-five years old, so the engineering and manufacturing was pretty solid.  I still use it every morning for my daily Bible readings, and sometimes sleep in it when my hip or back is acting up.

Previous: https://fibrecookery.blogspot.com/2024/04/mgg-510-hwyd-church-business-analysis.html

Introduction and ToC: https://fibrecookery.blogspot.com/2023/10/mgg-introduction.html

Next: TBA

Job 16:6

If I speak, my pain 

is not relieved; and if I 

refrain, does not leave.

Banana bereft

I have had a double shift with the Banana phone.  The Banana phone (of which I have spoken elsewhere) is the emergency support services dispatch phone.  The task is not arduous, but it is important.  Therefore, when we are on shift with the Banana phone, we have to keep it with us at all times.  The shifts are two weeks long, so, basically, I have been carrying the Banana phone for about a month.  And, of course, I have been carrying it with me everywhere.  It is the first thing that I put into the pocket of my dressing gown when I get up in the morning, and it is the last thing to be placed on the bedside table at night.  It goes with me to the bathroom.  It goes with me everywhere.  It is in my pocket at all times, unless it is within immediate reach. 

Now that I have finally turned the Banana phone over to the next holder, I am feeling oddly bereft.  Now I am down to carrying only two cell phones in my pocket, neither of which is as heavy, or as bulky, as the Banana phone.  I am no longer carrying an iPhone.  That was struck home to me today, when I went to do some testing with newer phones, in regard to QR codes.  I suddenly didn't have access to an iPhone for testing purposes.

So, my pocket is oddly light.  When I go to change, or otherwise empty out my pockets, I feel like I'm missing something, because the Banana phone isn't there.  As I mentally checking to make sure that I have everything with me, the Banana phone isn't there.  It has been a responsibility, and somewhat of an encumbrance, in my life for the past month.  And now that it's no longer a weight, and a drag, I am wondering what is missing ...

... none ...

 

James 3:10-11

Blessing and cursing come from the same mouth.  My brothers and sisters, it just shouldn’t be this way!  Both fresh water and salt water don’t come from the same spring, do they?

MGG - 5.10 - HWYD - church business analysis

After I got my degree, my father was very interested in doing a business analysis, with me, of our church. 

I should mention our church. I should mention Vancouver. It is a standing joke that nobody who actually lives in Vancouver was actually born there. I went to a job interview one time and as a little bit of small talk to brace the ice and make you feel more comfortable, they asked me where are you from. I said Vancouver. They said, no no, where were you born. Well, I was actually born in Vancouver. Not only that, but both my parents were also born in Vancouver. Not only that, but 75% of my grandparents were born in Vancouver. 

Partly as a result of this, I am the fifth generation, of my family, to become a member of the church. This is not only unusual in our church, but in any church in Vancouver. The pin that I have attesting to this fact was given to me when I was five years old, before I was baptized, and therefore before I was a member of the church. But I did get baptized, around about my twelth birthday, and, thus, did become a member. 

So, yes, both my father and myself were members of the church. And Dad, who was making a bit of a name for himself pioneering the use of computers in education administration in Vancouver, wanted us to do a business analysis of the church, with a view to getting the church involved in computers in ministry.

I foresaw a number of problems with this project. I was very hesitant to be involved. But Dad was very keen on the whole idea. So, I joined in, and, if I do say so myself, we did a bang-up job. Dad had the position, and credentials, in the church to get people to talk to us. We conducted more than 20 interviews, with people in a wide variety of ministry areas within the church. Dad took the lead in the interviews, as the person with the pole within the church. But I threw in the questions to find out what could, actually, be done in information processing in the various areas of ministry. I actually also wrote the report.

The final report recommended some twenty areas of ministry that could be assisted, and therefore some twenty computers, that would be needed, as well as a network, to tie them together, and facilitate the exchange of information between the different areas of ministry. We presented the report, and, predictably, the church created a computer committee to consider it. 

If I had been loath to do the systems analysis, I was doubly hesitant about being on the computer committee. I saw it as a conflict of interest, a rather gross conflict of interest. Since it was considering our report ( which was, you will recall, primarily my report. ) But dad, again, jumped in with both feet. Nothing much happened. So, once again, Dad wanted me to participate in the computer committee, and, once again, I acquiesced. 

I went to one committee meeting. The committee started to address the need for a church membership database. The committee got bombed down in consideration of whether the church membership database would have a birth date field. Some saw this as very useful. Others saw this as a gross invasion of privacy. I pointed out that this did not need to hold up consideration of the database as a whole, as a birth date field could be created, but then not populated until this decision had been finalized. No they had to decide about the birth date field, before they could go on with any other aspects of the church membership database. 

I quit the committee.

The committee continued to meet. Sporadically. This went on for some considerable time. At some point, the committee did tender and RFP, a request for proposal, and sent it to a variety of computer and networking vendors in the Vancouver area. It was based upon the recommendations from my report. Roughly twenty computers, and because of the price difference between MS-DOS computers, and Apple computers, at the time, it was based on MS-DOS computers.

Eventually, Dad informed me that the church computer committee had come to a decision. He told me the company that the tender had been given to. I was confused,. The tender had been granted to a company which was owned by one of the members of the church, and a company which, I knew, sold Apple computers exclusively. I questioned how the church was able to afford twenty Apple computers for the tender. Oh no, Dad informed me. The church member had been allowed to look at the other tenders, and, even though he had reduced his company's tender, to the point where it was the lowest bid, they were providing Apple computers, and they were only providing five.

I objected. On two grounds. First, it was a gross conflict of interest, to allow the church member, to see the other vendors tenders, and then to retender for his own company. Dad didn't see it that way. Dad didn't see that this was a conflict of interest. Dad didn't see that this was a gross breach of business ethics. Dad just saw that a church member was getting the business, and the church was getting a better price.

But I also objected on the basis of the reduction in the functionality of the tender. The five computers that were now to be purchased, would be used only, and solely, for Church administration. No other areas of ministry were to be addressed. No other areas of ministry were to benefit from the use of a computer. 

Dad didn't see this as a problem.

A few years later I got into the field of information security. Well, initially I got into the field of computer virus research. But it turns out that computer virus research is an excellent introduction to the field of information security in general. 

At that time, Gloria was working as a Church secretary, at a different Church. But our church, got very interested in a church membership database, tied to a simple bookkeeping package, that allowed you to track donations. ( Anytime you mention money, people get very interested. ) Fellow who was selling this particular package was doing a presentation in Seattle. So Dad asked me to come with him and attend the presentation. I did. 

We attended the presentation. We asked about security. Well, I asked about security. The developer said that the package was completely secure, since you had to use a password to access it. (He didn't mention anything about encryption.)  Dad was very happy about this program, and ready to recommend it to the church computer committee, despite the fact that it required an MS-DOS computer, and the church only had Apples. 

However, I had inside information, in a sense. I knew that the church where Gloria was church secretary used this church database and bookkeeping program. Gloria was not given access to the database and bookkeeping program. Only the church clerk (who deals with membership) and the accountant (who deals with the bookkeeping) had passwords and accounts to access the database and bookkeeping program.

But, I had been helping Gloria, at certain times, with certain computer programs and problems. In doing this I had found out a few things about the database and bookkeeping program. It was written in dbase. dBase has a standard, and fairly compatible, and accessible, database structure. I didn't need to run the database and bookkeeping program. I can figure out, from the file names, which parts of the database stored what, and for what purpose. And, I could read everything. I could, if I wanted to, read anything in the database, and anything in the donation files. I could look up any information the church had about anybody. I look good look up anybody's donations. I didn't, but I could have.

I informed the church committee of our church about these facts. I don't know what happened, and I don't know what any discussions were, but I do know that the church continued to use databases which they threw together themselves with simple user tools.

Previous: https://fibrecookery.blogspot.com/2024/04/mgg-509-hwyd-masters.html

Introduction and ToC: https://fibrecookery.blogspot.com/2023/10/mgg-introduction.html

Next: https://fibrecookery.blogspot.com/2024/04/mgg-511-hwyd-chair.html