Review of "I Don't Know What to Say" by Robert Buckman

Care for the dying is a very complicated endeavor, and one with a great many components to it.  Buckman does a good job of providing a reasonably comprehensive overview of all of the different aspects that need to be considered.  He also provides good, and effective, guidance for the various aspects and factors.

Part one consists of three chapters on talking and listening, mostly on listening.  This is important and useful advice.  Listening is an important skill in all supportive endeavors, and is to seldom a skill that people actually have, even though 90% of us think that we're better than average at listening.  Part two covers a variety of issues, such as different attitudes towards dying, including the possibility of denial, the emotional impact of illness, grief in brief, and some interesting examination of the functions of religion and theology.  Part three has a very short checklist for offering help, but a very practical reminder of what should, and sometimes shouldn't, be done.  There is also an examination of individual and specific relationships, such as the loss of a parent, spouse, sibling, child, or the child's response to the death of a parent.

None of this material is news, and none of it is particularly surprising, but it is a very useful compendium of appropriate help and support in this difficult situation.