Review of "Finding the Words" by Colin Campbell

Campbell's work is very personal.  It is open and vulnerable, and is undoubtedly heartfelt.  It may however, not be terribly useful for all readers.

I'm not sure of the meaning of the title, Finding the Words.  On first reading (of the title, that is), one might assume that this is directed to those who are friends or relatives of the bereaved, and is intended to assist them in talking with, counseling, or supporting bereaved.  However, the structure of the book seems more directed at those who are bereaved, and are grieving.  In this regard, finding the words might relate to the suggestion, pretty much right off the top in chapter one, to do grief journaling.  Indeed, the action items at the end of each chapter include suggested topics for grief journaling, as an assist for those who may not know what to write about.

The material in the book is, as noted, very personal.  So personal, that those whose experience and style of grieving do not completely match Campbell's may not find the content particularly useful.  As noted elsewhere, I have never completely understood C. S. Lewis's opening to "A Grief Observed," that nobody ever told him that grief felt so much like fear.  Campbell does talk extensively about an experience of fear mixed in with grief.  His experience of grief does include this fear, and he talks about it in some detail.  For those whose grief doesn't include this component, I'm not sure how helpful this material would be.

In addition, Campbell talks about the Jewish customs of Shiva, and the communal response to supporting the grieving family in the first month, along with the let down when that support was subsequently reduced.  In my case, I had no support, and therefore no experience of the let down either.

Campbell recommends the creation and composition of grief spiels, for a variety of audiences.  In my case that would have been totally wasted, since my friends seem to be absolutely terrified that I might talk about Gloria, or death, or pain, and so insured that there was no opportunity to do so.

Campbell is a writer, and so his advocacy of writing, like Devine, whom he extensively quotes, is no surprise.  In addition to grief journaling, Campbell notes other writing projects which he undertook.

Campbell's work is very personal, as noted, and for those who experience grief in the same way, the extensive personal explorations will likely be comforting and helpful.  However, the work is neither researched or careful in regard to the range of grief experiences, and others, who have experienced grief in different ways, may find it less helpful.  However, even those who experience grief in different ways may find the suggested activities to spark ideas of how to pursue your own type of grief activity to be useful.