This is not my life

As I've mentioned, people are asking me, "How do you like your new town?  How do you like your new place?"

I don't know.

Part of the reason is because this is not my life.  My life is with Gloria.  No, I'm not deranged with grief.  I know she's not coming, or coming back: she's dead.  I know she's dead.  I found her, not breathing.  I'm the one who alerted the nurse.

But life without Gloria is strange and lonely and purposeless, and I don't know why I would want to live it.  So far I'm just doing necessary jobs.  Like washing the sheets and making meals at least once a day and doing the taxes.  Starting with the medical expenses, which was always Gloria's part of the process.  It's not a lot of fun.

A while ago one of my colleagues suggested that now I could reinvent myself.  I don't know why I would particularly want to.  I haven't got anything I particularly want to do or be.  Except Gloria's husband, and the "until death us do part" section took care of that.