Honestly, it's not a big deal ...

 I've had a couple of people comment on how open and honest I'm being in this blog.

Well, thank you for the compliment.

But I find it kind of strange.  I agreed to do this blog because it was presented as a kind of therapy for my grief.  Grief is a natural reaction to a loss, but, like any natural reaction, it can be damaging if allowed to go too far.  Grief probably will diminish in time (if it doesn't kill or damage you first), but working at it in the proper way can both reduce the amount of time and increase the likelihood of coming out of it (well, you never *really* come out of it) in the best state possible.  So, this blog is therapy.

If this blog is therapy, what good does it do me to lie?  (Unless writing fiction is a form of art therapy?  Hmmmm.)  What good does it do me *not* to talk about certain things?  This blog is for my good, so being open and honest is just a given.

I suppose the reaction speaks to our concern, as a society, with privacy.  As I've mentioned, I'm a security specialist.  I've studied privacy.  But, possibly unusually, I don't have strong personal feelings about privacy.  (For one thing, it's very clear to me that I am too unimportant for anyone to care about what I do or think or how I live.  Most people don't care if you live or die.  Does *that* make you feel better?  Or there's Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:  "No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats, approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.")  I'm of the opinion that this lack of feeling about privacy is a definite advantage in regard to work in security and privacy.  I can study the field with a dispassionate eye, without being distracted by emotional reactions to privacy issues.  I can see both that others *do* feel strongly about privacy, and I can see the realities of privacy laws, definitions, and concerns.

So, no, I'm not going to post my bank account numbers here.  That would be foolish.  But I am going to continue to talk about my feelings as I'm going through this.  This week has been difficult.  I've felt even more lonely, as I've tried, in many ways, to reach out and make new contacts (mostly unsuccessfully).  I'm feeling more depressed than I have since Gloria died, even though I' still functional, and got quite a few things done this past week.  Accounts are still an emotional minefield, as I move into catching up and changing the way that I do them (which vaguely feels like I'm betraying Gloria because, although both of us hated doing accounts, we did them together, and mostly to Gloria's pattern).

So, I've had a terrible week, thanks.  And you?  (No, don't worry.  I know you're not going to answer ...)