I'm glad my pain, grief, and depression can bring such joy into the lives of others

He always seems so vastly amused by my grief and depression.  The fact that I am suffering seems a constant source of hilarity to him.

In reality, of course, it's probably nervous laughter.  Nervous laughter is very common.  We human beings are not good at identifying our specific emotions.  If we feel a strong emotion, it's likely to get diverted to some other emotion.  So if you are afraid, or angry, or have some other strong emotion, and expressing that emotion is inappropriate in the situation, you tend to laugh.

And I certainly inspire terror in all kinds of people in the churches.  I mean, he's a minister, you might think that he might be able to handle it a bit more than most.  But apparently not.  So he laughs at my grief and pain.

All the ministers know that I am grieving and depressed, of course.  They even joke about it.  Well, not exactly joke about my pain, but joke about the fact that you never asked Rob how he is.  You know what the answer is going to be.  Terrible.

I know that I terrify people in the churches.  My very existence terrifies people.  They don't want to think about the possibility of having a life like mine, and every time they see me, they have to.  They have to consider that, without some hidden sin, without any particular lack of faith, something bad could happen to them, and they could lose something very significant to their life, and their life could be much worse than it is now, regardless of how it is now.

So the people in the churches don't talk to me, and often actively avoid me, and learn, very quickly, never to ask Rob how he is doing or feeling.

But not all that many actually laugh at my pain.