I am here because Gloria died. I am a grieving widower. I am also a depressive, and am in a particularly down cycle right now. I'm really fun at parties.
I'm here to talk about Gloria, death, grief, pain, and other hilarious things. Okay, I hear some nervous laughter over in the corner. We can build on that.
We're not allowed to talk about death, and grief, and pain, and stuff like that in our society. It's forbidden. It's taboo. These just aren't topics that anybody will talk about. I've got to talk about Delta. It's much more fun to say that Gloria died, and then the girls threw me out of my house and moved me to Delta, before they moved me here. It's not quite accurate, but it's a lot more fun to put it that way.
I am a systems analyst. If I'm going to grieve, I am going to kick ass in the grieving department. I am going to study the heck out of it. And I have been. So, when I was in Delta, I saw this ad for a death cafe. The ad said that it wasn't for bereavement counseling. But, I was really curious about what you would do at a death cafe. They did say that it was simply an opportunity for people to talk about death. Since people can't talk about death in our society: it's forbidden. So, I wanted to see what they would be talking about, and how they would be talking about death. Were these just a bunch of Byron-esque, Goth wannabes? Well, it turned out, that they were really interesting bunch of people, and the few times that I was able to attend, we had some really interesting discussions. I'd like to start up a death cafe here in Port Alberni. It was a lot of fun there, and I think it would be a lot of fun here. However, I have wondered from my topic.
Because my topic today is depression, and grief, and, specifically, suicide. I am bereaved and a depressive, and so, obviously, I am somewhat suicidal. A number of people who have taken me seriously about that have been concerned about whether I have suicidal ideation. Suicidal ideation is when you actually make plans about committing suicide. And, generally yes, I have been making plans about suicide. You don't have to worry too much about it, because, being a depressive, the motivation to commit suicide gets stronger as I get more depressed. However, because depression sucks your energy, and, as well, impairs your cognitive processes, my ability to commit suicide decreases as my motivation increases. So far it's been pretty much of a balance. So, so far, I haven't committed suicide.
But there's good news on that front. The good news is that I realized that I don't actually have to plan to commit suicide. As the only pedestrian in Port Alberni, all I have to do is keep doing what I've been doing, and eventually one of you guys is going to kill me. Because you can't drive.
You guys are terrible drivers. I mean, it's not your fault. You have beautiful wide streets. I really love the beautiful wide streets here in Port Alberni. But it means you don't have to worry about how well you drive on the streets. You don't even have to aim to get down the streets.
And, as mentioned, I'm the only pedestrian in Port Alberni. So you guys don't have to worry about pedestrians. Okay, I'm not the *only* pedestrian in Port Alberni. But I'm the only non-jogging, non-dog-walking, non-homeless pedestrian in Port Alberni. None of you guys walks. So there's no pedestrians on the streets for you to worry about. I regularly have drivers yell at me, "Hey, you know, there *are* sidewalks!" Of course, I'm not on the road when they yell that. I'm crossing a parking lot! How are you supposed to get from the store *to* the sidewalk?
And traffic? There *is* no traffic in Port Alberni. I mean, rush hour lasts all of five minutes. And, at rush hour, you can count the number of cars at Gertrude and Johnston. And that's the only intersection in town you have to worry about. And, if you know the back streets, you don't even have to worry about that because you can get around Gertrude and Johnston a number of different ways. So, no, there's no traffic in Port Alberni.
So there's no demands to force you to learn how to drive properly. And you guys are really terrible drivers. Every time I cross a main street in Port Alberni, I am taking my life in my hands. Pretty much every day, I have somebody drive through the crosswalk that I'm using to cross the street. In full daylight. At high noon. This isn't the case where I'm huddled up in dark clothes, and I'm crossing, in mid block, suddenly ducking out into the traffic, on a cold wet rainy winter night. No, I'm talking about now, in the summertime, when the daytime starts at 5:00 AM and the sun and the light isn't gone from the sky until about 10:00.
Now, as I say, that's the good news. I don't have to try to commit suicide, because one of you guys is going to kill me, and save me the trouble. The bad news is, the depression is bad enough, that the cognitive impairment meant that it took me a month and a half to figure that out.
There is a bit of an oddity to this saga. My wardrobe, these days, mostly consists of freebies from vendors and conferences. For at least the last two decades, they have all been enamored of black. I have black t-shirts, black hoodies, black jackets, and even black socks. Just about all of my wardrobe is black.
When I got here, I started looking for some means to alleviate the dangers of having an all black wardrobe. It wasn't easy. I tried to find reflectors. It wasn't easy. I tried bike shops, sporting goods stores, work outfitters, and basically everything I can think of, including some auto parts outlets. I couldn't find anything appropriate. It took a long time, but finally I did, so now I have some reflectors for my jackets and packs.
But, while all this was going on, I was wondering about it. If I'm suicidal, it seems counterproductive to be putting reflectors on my clothing, so that I can be seen at night, crossing the road, by drivers of cars. After all, I'm hoping that one of the drivers here will kill me. So why am I putting such effort into getting reflectors for my clothing, in order to be seen at night?
I finally realized that Port Alberni drivers are *so* bad, they need an aim point.
Previously:
Others:
No comments:
Post a Comment