Gardens and sermons

For a long time I have been wondering why I've been gardening.  I know that it started after Gloria died, and so I hope that it is not just as simplistic as the fact that Gloria is dead, and so I want to make something alive.  Since I was Gloria's caregiver for quite a long time, is it simply because I am caring for something else?  I don't know.

The grief counsellors never worried about it.  They said I shouldn't worry about why.  They said to just enjoy the gardening.  But, of course, that is typical intuitive thinking: if it feels good, do it.  But I am a guy.  I am instrumental.  I am cognitive.  And, therefore, I need to know why.  It's bugging me.

The other day Number One Daughter, extending from this idea, asked why the heck I was writing sermons.  Again, I'm not sure.  I mean, in a sense, I started writing sermons because I was bored in other church services, listening to boring sermons.  When I was listening to a boring sermon, I would start to work on mine.  But that was one sermon.  It took me about thirty years, overall, to write it.  I didn't finish writing it and didn't commit it to anything until after Gloria died.  And probably only after I started discovering phone dictation systems, so it got written down.  I also started writing other sermons.  Yeah, maybe it was simply an outgrowth of the fact that it was an extension of the grief journalling that I was doing on the blog, and various other types of writing, such as the attempt to start on memoirs.  Maybe it has something to do with that.  But it is a sort of a writing style all to itself, and it's odd that I'm doing so much of it when I never did any before.  A lot of the other writing that I'm doing on the blog is either about security research or just whining about how angry and lonely and depressed I am.  Anyways, why am I writing sermons?  I don't know.  But I'm writing them.  Now that also brings me to another question which, again, Number One Daughter asked about.

I'm finishing up the CISSP seminar, which is a bit of a different thing.  I have been teaching the seminar in roughly eight minute chunks, video taping these tiny pieces and submitting them on social media.  I have almost finished the telecommunications domain, so the the bulk of the material is already done.  I've just got operations and law and investigation to do.  Operations is one of the smallest domains, and investigation isn't that much bigger, particularly when people aren't asking questions.

Anyways, it is approaching the time when I will be finished that experiment.  So what am I going do after that's finished?  What I thought I might do is to do the sermons.  Again, looking at roughly eight minute chunks, and posting them on various social media platforms.  I probably won't include LinkeDin.  And I very much doubt that I would include Instagram.  But, then again, you know, an awful lot of philosophical stuff goes on on Instagram.  So, why not? 

I wonder what that might be like.

Still don't know why I'm writing sermons ...