Unjust

A friend was recently giving me yet more advice on my grief.  He was relaying a piece of advice that he was given, to the effect that anger was a result of injustice.  The implication was, of course, that I should not be angry, because I had not suffered any injustice.

As well as not being terrifically helpful; since it is not really possible to just decide not to be angry, or sad, or depressed; this added yet another layer on my burden of "you are doing it wrong," in regard to my grieving, and overall mental state.

However, subsequently, someone else, in actually listening to my story, noted that I was right to feel sad, and angry, and that the way that I have been treated, particularly by some of the church groups, was, in fact, unreasonable, cruel, and unjust.

While this does not materially change my situation, it is extremely comforting to know that I am, in fact, not too terribly crazy, and that my objection to the way I have been treated by the churches is quite rational.  It doesn't mean that I expect the churches to change: they won't.  This is a city of churches that are insular and generally uncaring of others.  That's not going to change.  It isn't even necessarily all that much different from churches in other locales.  The church feels itself to be, and, actually is, a minority and under some attack in our society.  I've recognized this mentality in the past and from the security industry, and note that it tends toward an "insider/outsider" view of the world overall, and fixation on certain patterns of behavior, even when those patterns can be demonstrated to be ineffective.  So, no, there is no point in expecting the churches here to change.