Administration

I have had yet another discussion of administration, and keeping track of appointments, being so hard for me.

Why is administration so hard for me, right now?  Yes, Gloria was the administrator.  She was a professional secretary, and excelled at administration of all kinds.  Yes, she had access to my calendar, and reminded me of events in many cases.  But I made the entries on my calendar, and I checked my calendar regularly, and, by and large, I knew what was coming up.  Now, I seem to be completely lost.  If you ask me what I did, even yesterday, I probably can't tell you.  If you ask what is happening tomorrow, I might know one or two things, but I may very well forget other things that are on the calendar for tomorrow.  I have to check every night, and then again every morning.  And several times during the day.

Why am I, suddenly, so bad at administration?  I did all of my own before Gloria and I got married.  I did the bulk of my own administration, *while* we were married.  I am no slouch when it comes to administration and management.  Administration is not, admittedly, my favorite thing, but I can do it.  Or, I *could* do it.

And now I can't.  Now, admittedly, Gloria did a lot for me, in terms of administration.  Her support was invaluable.  And I really mean that literally.  I do know that Gloria was far better in administration than I was, and could keep track of things a lot better than I could, and administration, around our household, ran a lot more smoothly because Gloria was, basically, in charge of it.  But I could do it, and did do it, and now I seem to have enormous difficulty with it.  Why is that?

Is this, subconsciously, out of respect for Gloria?  Gloria is dead, and so my administration is falling apart?  Is my lack of administrative activity, right now, in *honour* of Gloria somehow?