I am not, and never have been, a handyman. I am not very guy-like in this regard. I used to change the oil, and the oil filter, and the air filter in my own car. I don't even do that anymore.
I was always somewhat stressed when Gloria asked me to undertake handyman tasks, even if it was as simple as changing a light bulb. My handyman skills are very much in line with the old computer joke: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer: None. That's a hardware problem.
I don't do hardware.
There was, at one time, a hardware task which it really made no sense to ask someone else to deal with. One particular toilet seat that we had would loosen its bolts on a regular basis. Once the bolts had been loosened, the toilet seat was unstable, and would shift from side to side if you shifted your weight on it. Gloria was quite uncomfortable feeling the instability of the seat, and, when the bolts had loosened to this extent, would alert me to the fact that I had to go and tighten the bolts again.
This was not quite as simple as taking a screwdriver to the bolts. The bolts were plastic. They were also held tight, underneath, with plastic washers. This meant that, in addition to the screwdriver on top, I had to grab the washers, usually with a pair of pliers, underneath. And, the fact that the bolts were plastic, meant that the slot, for the screwdriver, in the top of the bolts, was very large.
So, I complained to Gloria that I needed a larger screwdriver than the ones we had. Gloria did listen to this complaint. One Christmas, she bought me the largest screwdriver she was able to find. It wasn't actually all that large, but it was larger than the screwdrivers that we had, and so was more suitable to the task at hand. That Christmas, having Christmas with the entire family, I opened the package from Gloria, and realized what it was, and what it was for, and what a good joke that was. I was delighted, and was effusive in my praise and affirmation of my appreciation, for this gift.
As I said, the whole family was there for this particular Christmas. Including Gloria's brother Larry. Larry was the boy in the family. As previously noted, boys got to do hardware, and fixing things, with Dad. Girls did not. So, Larry grew up being taught how to fix things. He took to these lessons avidly. In fact, Larry became very skilled in this regard. He became a cabinet maker, on an amateur, but very skilled, basis. He was the kind of guy who bought his tools at Lee Valley. (If you don't know what buying your tools at Lee Valley means, you are not a skilled craftsman.)
So, Larry, seeing that I was unwrapping a very ordinary screwdriver, and seeing that I was so appreciative of this gift, was somewhat bewildered. So, he asked, "What's that?"
I, still delighted at the aptness of Gloria's joke, and even more delighted to be able to deliver this line, replied, "It's a screwdriver!"
Larry was very annoyed.
Previous: https://fibrecookery.blogspot.com/2025/02/mgg-620-gloria-acting.html
Introduction and ToC: https://fibrecookery.blogspot.com/2023/10/mgg-introduction.html
Next: TBA
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