Bereavement information pamphlet

 The social worker from the hospital gave me a bereavement information pamphlet.  Actually, she didn't give it to me, she emailed me a PDF.  I would have preferred a physical pamphlet: I always have dealt with physical reading materials better than electronic, except in very specialized situations.  So, part of the reason I haven't read it up until now is that I have to be on the computer to read it, and I have had other things to do when I'm on the computer.

I've also avoided reading it, because I figured it would be poking into raw areas.  Well, I was right.

One of the first things I learned is that Vancouver Coastal Health, or some such agency, has an "Honour a Life" memorial gathering in early December, at Van Dusen Gardens.  Normally a mass grieving situation wouldn't be my thing, but, next year, it'll be close to the one year anniversary of Gloria's death, so it seems somehow appropriate.

But, yes, as I went through the pamphlet, it prompted a lot of crying.  It points out that you shouldn't make major changes right away.  OK, *that* horse left the barn a while ago.  One of the points hit me hard: it warns about rushing into new relationships.  I can really see the temptation.  As previously noted, I'm feeling really, *really* (*REALLY*) lonely, and, basically, pretty much all my friends are being very little help in this regard.  Finding somebody, *ANYBODY* to be a friend right now is something that is really attractive, and with emotional damage, and judgment impaired, it's quite possible to get into trouble that way.  It talks about wanting to die, or lack of meaning in life: definitely can relate to that.

It talks about finding bereavement groups, which is probably a good idea.  I've been looking around.  There is a Grief Circle here in Delta.  They are going to be meeting via Zoom.  (CoVID is not making any of this any easier ...)

It warns about trouble getting rid of your loved one's belongings.  I know that there are some things (possibly seeming silly to others) that I am keeping, at least for now.  But I don't think I'll have a whole lot of trouble there.  I've already put some of Gloria's books (and books are important to me) into a box.  I haven't put her clothes into boxes, but I have gone through some of them, and I don't think that'll be an issue.  I've gone through her photo albums, and they are boxed and ready to go to K.

It says to share your memories with those who will just listen.  Well, I'm sharing with you, oh my brothers and only friends.  Whoever you are.  (Maybe you are one of those inappropriate new relationships the pamphlet is warning me about.  Hmmmm ...)

It talks about dreams and visitations.  I don't have dreams (well, everybody have dreams, but I remember very, very few), so that may not be an issue.  Then again, maybe my subconscious is just waiting until I let my guard down in order to ambush me, but good.

It also talks about writing a journal.  Hello, journal!

It also talks about sleep.  I'm already doing everything it says.  It isn't helping ...

It talks about anger.  For a while, there, I had a bit of a vent.  I could, quite legitimately, be angry at Lucky and Bell and CounterPath and Alianza, who deserve to be called out for really, really lousy customer service.  Then I didn't have to be angry at poor front line staff over all the stupid policies regarding all the administrative details I have to attend to over Gloria's death.  But, that's pretty much over.  Which leads to depression ...